JackIt's after 6 o'clock Lemon. What am I, a farmer?
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Dr. Leo SpacemanBoy, it's crazy to think we used to settle questions of paternity by dunking a woman in water until she admitted she made it all up. Different time, the '60s.
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JackLemon, I'm impressed. You're beginning to think like a businessman.
Liz LemonThat word bums me out unless it's between the words "meat" and "pizza".
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JackHave you ever considered becoming the celebrity face of the Republican Party?
Tracy JordanWhat? Hell no! Black people supporting Republicans? Does hot support cold? Does rain support the Earth?
JackNow, that mis-perception is precisely why the GOP needs better celebrities. And a black celebrity, such as yourself, would really make us look good. Now, do you like lower taxes?
Dot ComActually, today's Republican Party would be unrecognizable to Lincoln. He fought a war to preserve federal authority over the states. That's not exactly small government.
JackDot Com, this need you have to be the smartest guy in the room is... off-putting.
Liz LemonJay Z was right about New York. Concrete bunghole where dreams are made up, there's nothing you can do.
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Liz LemonYou wanna party? It's $500 for kissing and $10,000 for snuggling. End of list.
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JackFactories provide three things this country desperately needs: jobs, pride, and material for Bruce Springsteen songs.
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Liz Lemon[Liz is calling a co-op board and getting more drunk]
[10:20 PM]
Liz LemonHey, it's Liz Lemon. This message is for the co-op board, I guess This is the number you gave me, I hope it's not fake. 'Cause you accepted my bid and I haven't heard from you. But I'm doing great. I bought a German television studio today.
Liz Lemon[10:55 PM] Does everyone know that you're a bunch of liars or should I tell them myself, because I know a lot of people.
Liz Lemon[11:14 PM] You know what? I'm fine. Because I know who I am. You, I feel sorry for you, co-op board
JackLemon, I would like to teach you something. I would like to be Michelle Pfeiffer to your angry black kid who learns that poetry is just another way to rap
Liz LemonI know who I am. I know I'm not the funnest person in the group. I'm not the one you call when you want to go clubbing on the town and party dance all night.
JackWhy are you speaking like a Persian immigrant?
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Dr. Leo SpacemanErectile dysfunction: it's not just a dog problem anymore.
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Tracy JordanI am a Jedi! I am a Jedi! I am a Jedi!
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JackLet's do it. Let's move here. We'll get a little cabin in the woods.
JackI'll grow a beard. People from my old life will pass us through town and won't even recognize me, they'll just say, "Thanks, Pap," and then they'll buy some of my cider.
Pete[Tending to one of three cast members who have been rendered unfilmable for that week's episode] Liz Taylor really messed him up! He might have brain damage.
Liz LemonGod. Maybe the musical guest can do some extra songs this week. Who is it?
Bucky BrightBoy, 30 Rock. Stories I could tell about this plays. Eh, nobody wants to listen to me anymore.
Kenneth ParcellOh, Mr. Bright, I would love to hear about the good old days.
Bucky BrightWell, it was different back then, I'll tell you. Yes, sir, boy, they were classy. Yeah. Yeah, it was. We didn't have any of those shirts with words on them or dungarees or anything like that. No, sirree. Men came to work in ties and hats.
Bucky BrightAnd you had tailor-made suits and a little place here for a little carnation in your lapel. And an inside monogrammed pocket, you know, for your opium pipe and your switchblade.
