Don't Look Up Movie Quotes
Kate Dibiasky
You guys, the truth is way more depressing. They are not even smart enough to be as evil as you're giving them credit for.
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Dr. Randall Mindy
We really did have everything, didn't we? I mean, when you think about it.
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Kate Dibiasky
Unless you assholes are taking me to the Batcave, fuck you for putting this hood on me.
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[President Orlean is attacked by an alien bird creature]
Congressman Tenant
What is that thing?
Peter Isherwell
I believe that's called a Bronteroc.
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Jason Orlean
There's dope stuff, like material stuff, like sick apartments and watches, and cars, um, and clothes and shit that could all go away and I don't wanna see that stuff go away. So I'm gonna say a prayer for that stuff. Amen.
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Yule
Dearest Father and Almighty Creator, we ask for Your grace tonight, despite our pride. Your forgiveness, despite our doubt. Most of all, Lord, we ask for Your love to soothe us through these dark times. May we face whatever is to come in Your divine will with courage and open hearts of acceptance. Amen.
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Kate Dibiasky
We have exactly six months, ten days, two hours, 11 minutes and 41 seconds, until a comet twice the size of Chicxulub tears through our atmosphere and extincts all life on Earth.
Dr. Randall Mindy
When did you do those calculations?
Kate Dibiasky
I put the moment of impact on a diet app. So, impact is when my diet ends. Only I'm not on a diet. I'm just crying five times a day.
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[last lines]
Jason Orlean
What' up, y'all? I'm the last man on Earth. Shit's all fucked up. Don't forget to like and subscribe. We out here.
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Dr. Randall Mindy
I don't feel so good.
Brie Evantee
Alright, so I think what we'll do, we'll go to commercial break...
Dr. Randall Mindy
No, please, please Brie. Don't cut away. Let me say something
Jack Bremmer
You came to the right place because on this show, we like to say things...
Dr. Randall Mindy
Would you please, just stop being so
[bleep]
Dr. Randall Mindy
pleasant? I'm sorry, but not everything needs to sound so goddamn clever or charming or likeable all the time. Sometimes we need to just be able to say things to one another. We need to hear things! Look, let's establish, once again, that there is a huge comet headed towards Earth. And the reason we know that there is a comet is because we saw it. We saw it with our own eyes using a telescope. I mean, for God's sake, we took a fucking picture of it! What other proof do we need? And if we can't all agree at the bare minimum that a giant comet the size of Mount Everest, hurtling its way towards planet Earth is not a fucking good thing, then what the hell happened to us? I mean, my God, how do-- How do we even talk to each other? What've we... What've we done to ourselves? How do we fix it? We should have deflected this comet when we had the fucking chance, but we didn't do it. I don't know why we didn't do it. And now they're actually firing scientists like me for speaking out, for opposing them. And I'm sure many of the people out there aren't even gonna listen to what I just said 'cause they have their own political ideology, but I... .I assure you, I am not on one side or the other. I'm just telling you the fucking truth.
Brie Evantee
I-I think this would be a good time to establish that Isherwell and the president have both said that there's benefits to be...
Dr. Randall Mindy
Right, well, the president of the United States. Is fucking. Lying! Look I'm just like all of you. I hope to God, I hope to... God that this president knows what she's doing. I hope she's got us all taken care of, but the truth is... I think, this whole administration, has completely. Lost. Their fucking mind! And I think. We're all. Gonna die!
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Yule
Nice to meet you. I'm Yule.
June Mindy
Yule.
Yule
I'm FirePuma142 on Twitch. Do you game?
Kate Dibiasky
It's really doubtful she knows.
Yule
You're right.
June Mindy
Who said I game?
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Riley Bina
You guys discovered a comet? That's so dope. I have a tattoo of a shooting star on my back.
Kate Dibiasky
Oh.
Dr. Randall Mindy
That's terrific. We heard about your breakup too, so we just wanna say... We're very sorry, right? We're real sorry. You seem like a... great person.
Riley Bina
Why don't you mind your own business, you old fuck?
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Dr. Randall Mindy
Why don't you go find some, uh... what are the little potatoes called? The tiny ones?
Kate Dibiasky
Fingerling potatoes?
Yule
Oh, I fucking LOVE fingerling potatoes!
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Kate Dibiasky
Am I to understand correctly that, after all the information you've received today, the decision you're making is to "sit tight and assess"?
Jason Orlean
I'm sorry, who is she?
Kate Dibiasky
Who the fuck are you? Aren't you her son?
Jason Orlean
I'm the fucking Chief of Staff, Boy with the Dragon Tattoo. So I'm doing fine.
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Waitress
That's an awfully official-looking White House badge you got there.
Dr. Randall Mindy
I don't know why I have this on.
Nearby Diner
Listen, just tell us what's going on.
Guy from the Bar
I got three scared kids at home. How about you just tell us something.
Dr. Randall Mindy
I understand. I wish could share information, but...
Guy from the Bar
We're people just like you. We deserve to know!
Kate Dibiasky
They're right. They deserve to know. Do you really wanna know what's going on?
Dr. Teddy Oglethorpe
Kate, don't. Kate.
Dr. Randall Mindy
Kate.
Kate Dibiasky
They found a bunch of gold and diamonds and rare shit on the comet. So they're gonna let it hit the planet to make a bunch of rich people even more disgustingly rich!
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President Orlean
Mmm-hmm. So how certain is this?
Dr. Randall Mindy
There's 100% certainty of impact.
President Orlean
Please, don't say 100%.
Old Aide #2
Can we just call it a potentiality significant event?
President Orlean
Yeah.
Kate Dibiasky
But it isn't *potentially* going to happen. It *is* going to happen.
Dr. Randall Mindy
Exactly, 99.78% to be exact.
Jason Orlean
Oh, great. Okay, so it's not 100%.
Dr. Teddy Oglethorpe
Well, scientists never like to say 100%.
President Orlean
Call it 70% and let's just move on.
Kate Dibiasky
But it's not even close to 70%.
President Orlean
You cannot go around saying to people that there's 100% chance that they're going to die. You know? It's just nuts.
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Jason Orlean
[to Kate]
You do not have clearance for this, sweetheart. Don't trip. I got you some crackers, some waters...
[throws them onto ground]
Dr. Randall Mindy
You don't need to throw it on the floor.
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Jason Orlean
Man... I timed this Molly perfectly.
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[last lines]
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Yule
Dr. Mindy, can I be vulnerable in your car?
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Dr. Randall Mindy
Everything is theoretically impossible, until it is done.
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[Kate sits in a car with a bag over her head]
Dr. Randall Mindy
I did everything I could. They won't listen.
Kate Dibiasky
Surprise, surprise.
Dr. Teddy Oglethorpe
I'm starting to think you just like riling people up.
Dr. Randall Mindy
I'm so sorry, Kate. Really, I am.
Kate Dibiasky
Oh, Randall. God. Where's Brie Evantee? Shouldn't you two be playing footsie in a restaurant that only serves cubes and foam?
Dr. Teddy Oglethorpe
Well, she ain't wrong. You did lose the thread in a big way.
Dr. Randall Mindy
And what do you suggest we do? An online petition, huh? You want to hold... Get a mob and hold up picket signs? You wanna overthrow the government? I mean, look at this.
Kate Dibiasky
I can't! My head is in a bag!
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Dr. Teddy Oglethorpe
Okay. Now be cool. I just have more skin pigmentation than you. 'Cause your ancestors migrated to Northern Europe and developed lighter skin so as to not get...
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Kate Dibiasky
I'm sorry... Are we not being clear? We're trying to tell you that the entire planet is about to be destroyed.
Brie Evantee
Well it's uh, you know, it's something we do around here. We just keep the bad news light.
Jack Bremmer
Right. Helps the medicine go down. And speaking of medicine, tomorrow we've got a...
Kate Dibiasky
Well maybe the destruction of the entire planet isn't supposed to be fun.
[Everyone stops]
Kate Dibiasky
Maybe it's supposed to be terrifying. And upsetting. And you stay up all night every night crying... when we're all 100% for sure going to fucking die!
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Dr. Teddy Oglethorpe
One time, I met Sting, and I swear to God, he farted right in front of me. Didn't break eye contact and didn't even say "excuse me." And the thing is, he actually pulled it off. 'Cause I still found him to be quite charming.
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Kate Dibiasky
Watch out for him. He'll charge you for free shit.
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Jason Orlean
I wrote that.
Kate Dibiasky
Isn't that from Saving Private Ryan?
Dr. Randall Mindy
Yes. Yes.
Jason Orlean
No, that's something totally different.
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Kate Dibiasky
Can I say something?
Jason Orlean
Yeah, we've been dying to hear what you gotta say.
Kate Dibiasky
I didn't vote for you. But this is obviously much bigger than my misgivings. So I will be 100% behind this effort. No matter how offensive I may find you.
President Orlean
Hmm. Wow. That's great.
Jason Orlean
Yeah. That's really nice. You know, I did have the FBI put that bag over your head. They don't do that. The CIA does, but I made them do it.
Kate Dibiasky
You know, I had a feeling. I really did.
Jason Orlean
It's a good feeling 'cause that is what I did. And it was very funny and cool.
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President Orlean
We will blow Comet Dibiasky off her course... But we're gonna need a hero. We're gonna need a pilot, real guns and...
Dr. Randall Mindy
Shouldn't this mission be accomplished using remote technology?
Dr. Teddy Oglethorpe
Washington's always gotta have a hero.
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President Orlean
He's just of another generation.
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Jason Orlean
People are gonna ask why we didn't act earlier. So you're gonna have to take the hit on this one.
President Orlean
Yeah, but we'll take care of you down the road, Jocelyn.
Jason Orlean
We will.
Dr. Calder
Of course, Janie. I will resign in disgrace first thing tomorrow.
President Orlean
Good. Yeah, good.
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Peter Isherwell
You know that BASH has over 40 million data points on you, on every decision you have made since 1994, Doctor? I... I know when you have colon polyps months before your doctor does. You got four or five at the moment actually. You know, they're not of concern, but I'd have a checkup as soon as you can. But more importantly than that, much more importantly than that, I know what you are. I know who you are. My algorithms have determined eight fundamental consumer profile types. You are a lifestyle idealist. You think you're motivated by beliefs, high ethical beliefs. But you just run towards pleasure and away from pain. Like a... Like a field mouse.
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Jack Bremmer
I had no idea that Subaru made telescopes.
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President Orlean
Let's get some other people on this. Some Ivy Leaguers.
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Brie Evantee
I've just realized, we don't really know anything about each other. Do we?
Dr. Randall Mindy
True. Well, every time I try to ask you about your life, you seem to just tell me about your, your favorite restaurants.
Brie Evantee
Well, I... You know... I just despise the, you know, getting-to-know-you part of relationships, so...
Dr. Randall Mindy
Oh, okay. I understand.
Brie Evantee
Okay, let's just get it over and done with. Okay, uh... Right, so, uh... My grandfather invented the flash-freezing process. So I come from grotesque money, but I got away from it by getting three masters degrees.
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Peter Isherwell
Our algorithms can even predict how you'll die. To 96... 96.5% accuracy. I looked you up after we met. Your death was so unremarkable and boring. I can't remember the details, apart from one thing. You're gonna die alone. Alone.
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Dr. Teddy Oglethorpe
Science tells the truth, Randall.
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Kate Dibiasky
What if we have to go to the bathroom?
Jason Orlean
We'll lay out some newspaper for you. Grab you a can of Febreze.
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Yule
I love fingerlicking potatoes!
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Benedict Drask
Know what happened to the last pussy I worked with in combat? You ever see inside a man's torso?
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President Orlean
Goodness... Look at that beautiful animal!
President Orlean
I wonder are those feathers or are they scale...
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