ClarkeA school with no girls, I was *very* popular.
Danielle[Smiling]You fucking whore! Remember, "nobody likes a dirty girl"!
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Danielle[Writing as Joan, the sack of flour]Dear diary, daddy had to leave as daddy's sometimes do, he left so the dreams of our families could come true, but mommy will soldier on, cause that's what mommy's do.
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[first lines]
DanielleI've heard it said that this here... this here's a man's world. And some girls, they believe it. Primpin' and fussin' and holdin' out, hoping a boy will look her way. They don't know they got the power. As for me... I'm not that kind of girl. I'm on top. Which begs the question... if the girl's on top, well... who's the one getting screwed?... So if it's a man's world, God wouldn't have made me.
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Danielle[Writing as Joan, the sack of flour]Dear Diary, this world is full of dipshits. But guess what? Mommy got a fairy-tale ending. Because Daddy? Daddy came back.
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Mr. Potter[to class]The only safe sex is *no* sex. Unless you stay busy, get some hobbies, and practice abstinence, you could end up asking, "Was the momentary thrill really worth it?" What are some healthy alternatives? Tonya?
Mr. PotterRight on. Who doesn't love pizza? Anyone else?
Danielle[Puts up hand]What are your thoughts on the pull-out method?
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PeggyThis is incredibly embarrassing, but I have reason to believe that my son has run off with your daughter.
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Danielle[Writing as Joan, the sack of flour]Dear Diary, I am super excited about our family vacation. I'm only a week old and already I'm seeing all the great sights of this great land. It is said that most American families don't spend enough quality time together. My family is different.
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Danielle[about naming their sack of flour]I'm thinking "Joan", like Joan Jett.
ClarkeOr Crawford. That's nice.
DanielleIs there some sort of special gene that makes you say "Crawford" when I say "Joan"?
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Mrs. HatcherToday we are going to start a project that will teach us parenthood is no joke.
Mrs. Hatcher[to pregnant student]Right Sabrina? Yeah. Nobody's laughing at her house.
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RayAfter your mother and I are married, I'm going to adopt you.
DanielleI've heard it said, this here's a man's world. And some girls believe it - primping and fussing and hoping a boy will look her way. If it's a man's world, God wouldn't have made *me*.
DanielleNo offense, but my designated is, as of this morning, no longer designated.
ClarkeI don't know what that means.
DanielleIt's Danielle's three D's of dating: Discriminate, designate, and dump, and since the unfortunate dumping of Brad, due to his lack of sanitary respect, Im on to the next. And quite frankly, as a dick smoker, you don't qualify.
[Walks away]
Clarke...But we're married.
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Principal MulrayYour classmates are impressionable, Miss Edmonston. Your ears might be used to that kind of talk, but most of these kids come from good families. You have any positive males in your life? A pastor or a neighbor or an uncle...
ClarkeMy therapist showed me this chart. It says that I'm 35 percent hetero. And if I can get that up to 60 percent, my parents won't send me to military school.
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Principal Mulray[to Danielle]Nobody likes a dirty girl.
JosephYou and I had a deal, didn't we? Seems to me you're not holding up your end of the bargain, though, you copy me? Clarke? Do you copy me? You know what that makes you? It makes you a welcher. The only thing worse than being a gay is being a welcher.
ClarkeI'm not no gay.
JosephYeah, who am I supposed to believe? A 15-year-old welcher, or a qualified medical physician?
ClarkeHe's a chiropractor.
JosephHe's got experience.
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DanielleSometimes you got to accept what life throws at you to find out what you're made of.
DanielleMy daddy's credit card is financing this little adventure of yours. You have not even said, "Thank you".
Danielle[Slightly taken aback]Some things go without saying.
ClarkeThen I guess it goes without saying that you are the neatest person that I have ever met! And I am not afraid no more when I'm around you, 'cause you are cooler than I will ever be. And It also goes without saying that I would never tell on you!
Danielle[pause]I promise I'll find a way to thank you.
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Danielle[as "Joan"]Dear Diary, New Mexico is brown and flat. Mom does most of the driving, because she thinks that Dad goes too slow. Daddy is happy, being a man and all, just navigating. He is a most excellent map reader. With the division of labor so neatly divided and both of them willing to stay in their designated roles, I'm convinced that I have the happiest family there ever was.
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Danielle[Writing as Joan, after Clarke invites Joel to ride with them]Dear Diary, it turns out that Daddy is a big, fat whore. I'm a lucky girl that I'm learning such valuable lessons about the true nature of men.
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DanielleYou dance for tips, right? That's why you got all them singles.
JoelIt's my art. If people want to give me money for my art, that just makes me a professional artist.
JoelYou know what it's like then, don't you? That crazy thing when you look for him everywhere. Anytime you're in a crowd, there's a chance, so you... walk around a little straighter, hoping to look your best, just in case. Looking everywhere for somebody who don't want to be found.
