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Kinoafisha Films Ghostbusters II Ghostbusters II Movie Quotes

Ghostbusters II Movie Quotes

Egon Vigo the Carpathian. Born 1505, died 1610.
Peter Venkman 105 years old, he hung in there, didn't he?
Ray He didn't die of old age, either. He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disembowled, drawn and quartered.
Peter Venkman Ouch.
Winston Guess he wasn't too popular at the end, huh?
Egon No, not exactly a man of the people. Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy.
Peter Venkman Wasn't he also Vigo the Butch?
Ray And dig this, there was a prophecy. Just before his head died, his last words were "Death is but a door. Time is but a window. I'll be back."
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Louis Tully Your Honor, ladies and gentleman of the audience, I don't think it's fair to call my clients frauds. Sure, the blackout was a big problem for everybody. I was trapped in an elevator for two hours and I had to make the whole time. But I don't blame them. Because one time, I turned into a dog and they helped me. Thank you.
[the courtroom is in bewildered silence]
Egon Very good, Louis. Short, but pointless.
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Egon My parents didn't believe in toys.
Ray You mean you never even had a Slinky?
Egon We had part of a Slinky. But I straightened it.
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Ray You think there's a connection between this Vigo character and the... slime?
Egon Is the atomic weight of cobalt 58.9?
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[the ghost of the R.M.S. Titanic appears in New York Harbor, and numerous ghostly figures emerge from it]
Dock Supervisor Well, better late than never.
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[Dana hands Oscar to Peter]
Dana It's late, I really ought to put him down.
Peter Venkman May I?
Dana Yeah, if you want to.
Peter Venkman [points in baby's face] You're short, your bellybutton sticks out too far, and you're a terrible burden on your poor mother.
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Judge Wexler [in the middle of persecuting the Ghostbusters he was attacked by the ghosts of two murderers he sentenced to the chair] You got to do something! Help me!
Ray Don't talk to me; talk to my attorney.
Louis Tully And that's me! My guys are still under a judicial mistrangement order... that blue thing I got from her! They could be exposing themselves!
Peter Venkman And you don't want us exposing ourselves!
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Egon I'd like to run some gynecological tests on the mother.
Peter Venkman Who wouldn't?
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Janosz Soon, the city will be mine and Vigo's... mainly Vigo's.
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Prosecutor So, what you're saying is that the world of the supernatural is your exclusive province?
Peter Venkman Kitten, I think what I'm saying, is that sometimes, shit happens, someone has to deal with it, and who ya gonna call?
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Janosz Dana is no here.
Peter Venkman Yeah, we know that.
Janosz Then why are you came?
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Janosz [passing by an assistant working at a desk] Everything you are doing is bad. I want you to know this.
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Peter Venkman You know, I have met some dumb blondes in my life, but you take the taco, pal! Only a *Carpathian* would come back to life now and choose New York! Tasty pick, bonehead! If you had brain one in that huge melon on top of your neck, you would be living the sweet life out in Southern California's beautiful San Fernando Valley!
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Ray [of the insulting birthday party kids] Ungrateful little yuppie larva. After everything we did for this city.
Winston Yeah, we conjured up a hundred-foot marshmallow man, blew the top three floors off an uptown high-rise, and ended up getting sued by every city, county, and state agency in New York.
Ray Yeah... but what a ride.
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Peter Venkman Hi, Egon. How's school? I bet those science chicks really dig that large cranium of yours, huh?
Egon I think they're more interested in my epididymis.
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Judge Wexler If my hands weren't tied by the unalterable fetters of the law, then I would invoke the tradition of our illustrious forebears, reach back to a purer, sterner justice, and have you BURNED AT THE STAKE!
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Prosecutor Dr. Venkman, would you please tell the court why you and your co-defendants took it upon yourselves to dig a very big hole in the middle of 1st Avenue?
Peter Venkman Well, there are so many holes in 1st Avenue, we really didn't think anyone would notice.
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Elaine According to my source, the end of the world will be on February 14th, in the year two thousand and sixteen.
Peter Venkman Valentine's Day. Bummer. Where'd you get your date, Elaine?
Elaine I received this information from an alien. As I told my husband, it was in the Paramus Holiday Inn, I was having a drink at the bar, alone, and this alien approached me. He started talking to me. He bought me a drink, and then I think he must have used some kind of a ray or a mind control device because he forced me to follow him to his room and that's where he told me about the end of the world.
Peter Venkman So your alien had a room at the Holiday Inn, Paramus?
Elaine It might have been a room on the spacecraft made up to look like a room at the Holiday Inn. I can't be sure about that, Peter.
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Dana Okay, but after dinner, don't put any of those old cheap moves on me. It's different now.
Peter Venkman Oh, no! I have all NEW cheap moves.
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Peter Venkman [to Egon] Who told you to stop cutting? Somebody tell you to stop cutting?
First Cop What are you guys doing here?
Peter Venkman [to First Cop] You tell him to stop cutting?
First Cop Yes, I told him to stop cutting. What are you doing?
Peter Venkman What's it look like we're doing here? Why don't you let us work? We let you work.
Ray [to Peter] Hey, take it easy.
[to First Cop]
Ray He's been working overtime. I'll tell you why we're here. We're here because some diaper bag downtown's being a jerk and making us work on a Friday night. Am I right, Peter?
Peter Venkman Of course you're right, Raymond.
[to Egon]
Peter Venkman Is he right, Ziggy?
Egon [pause] Yo!
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[Louis Tully is the Ghostbusters' defense lawyer]
Louis Tully I think you guys are making a big mistake. I do mostly tax law and probate stuff occasionally. I got my law degree at night school.
Ray Well, that's fine, Louis. We got arrested at night.
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Dana How is he these days?
Egon Peter? Well, he was borderline for a while. Then he crossed the border.
Dana Does he ever - mention me?
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Peter Venkman [as the Mayor walks in]
[Raising his voice over the rest of the 'Busters]
Peter Venkman Lenny. Big man.
The Mayor The Ghostbusters.
Winston Mr. Mayor?
[Holds out his hand, wanting to shake his hand]
The Mayor What is this? A slumber party?
Ray Well, that's why we wanted to see you.
The Mayor Listen, *I* don't want to hear anything about it. You got two minutes. Make it good.
Ray [Getting started] Well, first of all Mr. Mayor, it's a great pleasure to see you again, and you'll be happy to know that almost fifty percent of us voted for you in the last election.
The Mayor I appreciate that.
Peter Venkman I'm sorry we have to meet under these circumstances.
Ray Mr. Mayor, we're here tonight because a psychomagnatheric slimeflow of immense proportions is building up beneath the city.
The Mayor Psycho-what?
Egon Psychomagnatheric.
Peter Venkman Big word, big word.
Egon Negative human emotions that are forming into a vicious ectoplasm with *explosive* supernormal potential.
The Mayor Can somebody speak English here?
Winston Uh yeah. Your honor, what we're trying to say is all of the bad feelings. You know hate, anger and the vibes of the city are turning into this *sludge*. I didn't believe in it either. But, we just went for a swim in it and end up almost killing each other.
Hardemeyer [to the Mayor]
[aggravated]
Hardemeyer This is insane! Do we *really* have to listen to this?
Peter Venkman [to Hardemeyer] Can't you stop your lips from flapping for 2 little minutes?
[to the Mayor]
Peter Venkman Lenny, have you been out on the street lately, do you know weird it is out there? We've taken our own headcount, there seems to be 3 *million* completely miserable assholes living in the Tri-State area.
Hardemeyer [In disbelief] Please.
Peter Venkman I beg your pardon, 3 million and *one*.
Hardemeyer Hey.
Ray And what *fudgy brain* here doesn't realize, that if we don't do something fast this whole place is gonna blow like a frog on a hot plate.
Hardemeyer [In disbelief] Yeah, right.
The Mayor What do you want me to do, go on television and tell 3 million people they have to be *nice* to each other?
[Begins to walk off]
The Mayor Being miserable and treating other people like dirt is every New Yorker's god-given right. Your two minutes are up, good night gentlemen.
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Ray It looks like a giant Jell-O mold.
Winston I hate Jell-O.
Peter Venkman Oh, come on. There's always room for Jell-O!
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Peter Venkman [to Dana] Well you're probably feeling what Vigo's feeling: "Carpathian Kitten Loss." He misses his kitty! Well, we'll just place one in here right by the castle.
[Peter grabs a brush and moves towards the Vigo painting]
Janosz [Trying to stop Peter] Don't go 'round altering valuable art, Dr. Venkman... go... yes, I think, go... the joyfulness is over!
Dana [to Janosz] He's kidding.
Peter Venkman Well, you're not gonna get a green card with that attitude, pal!
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[the Mayor's assistant has just been rude to Dr. Peter Venkman]
Peter Venkman You know, I'm a voter. Aren't you supposed to lie to me and kiss my butt?
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Janosz [on waking after being freed from his possession, singing] They will come from behind... Ah, ah... why am I drippings with goo?
Egon You had a violent prolonged transformative psychic episode.
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Vigo I, Vigo, the Scourge of Carpathia, the Sorrow of Moldavia, command you!
Janosz [gets down on his hands and knees and starts bowing] O command me, lord!
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[at the Statue of Liberty]
Peter Venkman Hey, how many of you people out here are a national monument? Raise your hand, please? Oh, hello, Miss!
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Vigo Find me a child that I might live again!
Janosz Yes. A child. A child!
Janosz [confused] A child?
[Vigo electrocutes Janosz's eyes]
Janosz [possessed with the evil power] A child.
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[as the city falls into chaos, the police station is flooded with countless calls from frightened citizens]
Detective #2 [on the phone] Was it a big dinosaur or a little dinosaur? Oh, just the skeleton, huh? Which way was it headed?
Detective #3 [on the phone] Wait a second. What was chasing you in the park? The park bench was chasing you? I see...
Police Sergeant [on the phone] What? Wait a second. Lieutenant, I think you'd better talk to this guy.
Police Lieutenant [impatiently] I'm busy here!
Police Sergeant It's some dock supervisor down at Pier 34.
Police Lieutenant What's the problem?
Police Sergeant He says the Titanic just arrived!
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Peter Venkman I have more than two grades of laundry, okay? There's not just clean and dirty. There are many subtle levels. Okay? See? You hang this outside the window for twenty minutes... it's perfectly fine.
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[after failing to break through the ectoplasm surrounding the Museum]
Egon That slime mold is pulsing with evil. It would take a tremendous amount of positive energy to crack that shell and I seriously doubt there's enough goodwill left in this town to do it.
Ray You know, I just can't believe things have gotten so bad in this city that there's no way back. I mean, sure, it's dirty, it's crowded, it's polluted, it's noisy and there's people all around who'd just as soon step on your face as look at you. But come on! There's got to be a few sparks of sweet humanity left in this burned-out 'burg and we just have to figure out a way to mobilize it.
Egon He's right. We need something that everyone in this town can get behind, we need... a symbol!
Ray Something that appeals to the best in each and every one of us.
Egon Something good.
Winston Something decent.
Peter Venkman Something pure.
[They are all looking at the image of the Statue of Liberty on the Ecto-1's license plate]
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[looking at the painting of Vigo]
Winston Wow, that is one ugly dude.
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Egon Hey!
[echoing]
Egon Hey! Hey!
Ray Hello.
[echoing]
Ray Hello. Hello.
Winston Hey!
Demonic Voice Wwwwwwiiiiiinnnnnssssstoooooonnnnnn!
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The Mayor What the hell is going on? It's pandemonium out there!
Hardemeyer Yes, I know. We're working on it!
The Mayor Great. While you're working on it, I'm going down as the mayor who let New York get sucked down into the tenth level of hell! All right, we got no choice. Call the Ghostbusters.
Hardemeyer Wait! Now I'm sure there's another way.
The Mayor Jack, I spent an hour last night in my bedroom talking to Fiorello LaGuardia and he's been dead for 40 years. Now where are the Ghostbusters?
Hardemeyer Uh, they're not available.
The Mayor What do you mean they're not available?
Hardemeyer Well, I had them committed to the psychiatric ward at Parkview Hospital.
The Mayor You what?
Hardemeyer They were threatening to go to the press! I was protecting your interests!
The Mayor Oh yeah?
Hardemeyer Uh-huh!
The Mayor Well, you can stop protecting my interests. You have exactly three minutes to clear out. You're fired!
Hardemeyer But the election! You're making a big mistake, Mr. Mayor!
The Mayor Harry! Remove this man from the building and get me the Ghostbusters!
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[At the foot of the Statue of Liberty]
Peter Venkman Kinda makes you wonder, doesn't it?
Winston Wonder what?
Peter Venkman Whether she's naked under that toga. She *is* French. You know that.
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Peter Venkman See you next week on "World of the Psychic." Until then, this is Peter Venkman, saying...
[points to his forehead and stares at the camera for a long beat]
Peter Venkman Ha ha! See you then.
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[Egon and Ray are showing Peter and Winston their breakthrough with a slime specimen]
Egon Go ahead, Ray!
Ray [shouting at the slime] You! You worthless piece of slime! You ignorant disgusting blob!
[slime twitches]
Egon You're nothing but an unstable short-chained molecule!
Ray You foul obnoxious muck!
[bubbles dangerously with every insult]
Egon You have a weak electrochemical bond!
[starts to bubble over]
Ray I have seen some disgusting crud in my time, but you take the cake!
Peter Venkman This is what you do with your spare time?
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Ray Two in the box!
Egon Ready to go.
Peter Venkman We be fast.
Ray Ray, Egon, Peter Venkman: And they be slow!
Louis Tully Wow!
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Peter Venkman So, what happened to Mr. Right? I heard he ditched you and went to Europe.
Dana He did not ditch me. We had some problems, and he got a very good offer from an orchestra in London and he took it.
Peter Venkman So he ditched you?
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[the Ghostbusters have been committed to a mental hospital]
Ray As I explained before, we think the spirit of a 17th century Moldavian tyrant is alive and well in a painting at the Manhattan Museum of Art.
Psychiatrist Uh-huh, and are there any other paintings in the museum with bad spirits in them?
Egon You're wasting valuable time. He's drawing strength from a psychomagnotheric slime flow that's been collecting under the city.
Psychiatrist Yes, tell me about the slime.
Winston It's very potent stuff. We made a toaster dance with it.
[motions to Peter]
Winston And a bathtub tried to eat his friend's baby.
Psychiatrist A bathtub?
Peter Venkman [with his head buried in his arms in despair] Don't look at me. I think these people are completely nuts.
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Peter Venkman You never got it, Dana. I'm a man! I'm sensitive! I need to feel loved. I need to be desired!
Dana It was when you started introducing me as the old ball and chain, that's when I left.
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Peter Venkman Lenny, have you been out on the street lately? Do you know how weird it is out there? We've taken our own head count. There seem to be three million completely miserable assholes living in the tri-state area.
Hardemeyer Oh, please!
Peter Venkman Excuse me, three million and one.
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Dana His name is Oscar.
Peter Venkman Named after a hot dog. You poor man. You poor, poor man.
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Vigo On a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, I sat on a throne of blood! What was will be! What is will be no more! Now is the season of evil!
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Talk Show Producer No respected psychic will come on this show. They all think you're a fraud.
Peter Venkman I *am* a fraud!
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Egon Venkman, would you get a stool specimen, please.
Peter Venkman Business or personal?
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Milton Angland I have a strong psychic belief that the world will end on New Year's Eve.
Peter Venkman Well, for your sake, I hope you're right.
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Dana You're much better than you realize. You don't give yourself enough credit.
Peter Venkman I need to hear that kind of stuff. You know, if I had this kind of stuff for like on a 24-hour basis, I could have myself whipped into shape by the end of this century.
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[piloting the Statue of Liberty]
Egon We're running out of time, Ray, it's almost midnight. Can't you make her go any faster?
Ray I'm afraid the vibrations will shake her to pieces. We should have padded her feet.
Egon I don't think they make Nikes in her size, Ray.
Peter Venkman Hey, she's tough. She's a harbor chick!
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[Ray has stepped in front of the painting of Vigo, blocking the Ghostbusters' attack]
Egon Ray... we'd like to shoot the monster. Could you move, please?
Peter Venkman Ray...
Winston Ray?
Egon Egon, Peter Venkman, Winston: RAY!
[Ray turns around, he is Ray/Vigo]
Ray [demonic voice] NO! I, Ray, am Vigo, shall rule the Earth! Begone, you pitiful half-men!
Peter Venkman Now!
[they attack]
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Con Ed Supervisor Fianella What's going on here? Hey, what's the story?
Peter Venkman Hey what? You boneheads are going to come to harass me on again? I got 3 thousand phone lines grounded here, I got about 8 million miles of cable I gotta check, you're gonna come and shake my monkey tree again?
Con Ed Supervisor Fianella What are you talking about buddy, the phone lines are over there.
Peter Venkman [Turns to Egon] What did I say to you?
[Begins slapping Egon's hardhat]
Peter Venkman Those phone lines are over there. What did I say? How many times?
First Cop Hey, hey. You're not with Con Ed, or the phone company, we've checked. So, tell me another one.
Peter Venkman [Thinking of another excuse] I got a major gas leak here! What do you think all of this is coming from, the sky?
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Judge Wexler Peter Venkman, Raymond Stantz, Egon Spengler,
[yells]
Judge Wexler Stand up! Get up!
[the Ghostbusters stand up]
Judge Wexler You too, Mr. Tully.
[Louis stands up]
Judge Wexler [furious] I find guilty on all charges. I order to pay fines in the amount of $25,000 each...
[the mood slime burbles; Ray notices it]
Judge Wexler ... and I sentence you to 18 months in the City Correctional Facility at Riker's Island.
Ray Egie, she's twiching.
Judge Wexler [yells] I'M NOT FINISHED!
[slime continues to boil]
Judge Wexler On a more presonal note, let me just go on record as saying that there's no place for fakes, charlatans...
Egon Uh, your honor?
Judge Wexler [cuts Egon off] Shut up! Or tricksters like you in desent society!
Peter Venkman Your honor, this is important.
Judge Wexler You play on the gullibility of innocent people!
Ray Yes, sir...
Judge Wexler Be quiet!
Ray But...
[poits to the bubbling mood slime as it spills over]
Judge Wexler [yelling] If my hands weren't tied by the alterable fetters of the law, then I would invoke the tradition of our illustrious forbears, reach back to a purer, sterner justice
[screaming at the top of his lungs]
Judge Wexler and have you BURNED AT THE STAKE!
[the ghosts of the Scoleri brothers bursts from the slime; the jury members, many vistors and the prosecutor are all frightened]
Ray [amazed] Wow!
Judge Wexler [shocked and frightened] Oh, my God! The Scoleri Brothers!
[Wexler leaps from his bench as the ghosts attempt to attack him. He then crawls to Louis and the now-prosecuted Ghostbusters]
Judge Wexler [yells] The Scoleri Brothers!
Ray Friends of yours?
Judge Wexler I've tried them for murder! Gave them the chair!
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[Wexler, Louis, Peter, Ray, and Egon all watch the prosecuting attorney being carried by one of the Scoleri brothers outside the courtroom]
Judge Wexler [wailing] Ohhh...
Peter Venkman You're next, bubbles.
Judge Wexler [screams] ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! I rescind the order! Case dismissed!
Louis Tully Hooray, we won the case!
Judge Wexler Now do something!
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Judge Wexler [two ghosts in electrics chairs are attacking the court room] The Scolari brothers!
Ray Friends of yours?
Judge Wexler I tried them for murder, gave 'em the chair! You've got to do something!
Egon Why don't you just tell them you don't believe in ghosts?
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Janine Melnitz It is really a very great place. I mean, it needs a woman's touch. But, I think it looks really good, you know.
Louis Tully [closing the door to Oscar's room] Shh. Bedtime.
Janine Melnitz You're very good with children.
Louis Tully Thanks, I practiced on my hamster.
Janine Melnitz Oh.
[holding what it looks like a crystal ball in her hands]
Janine Melnitz So, you live alone?
Louis Tully I used to have a roommate, but my mom moved to Florida.
Janine Melnitz Oh. Why don't you come here and sit with me?
Louis Tully Okay.
[he moves to the couch Janine is sitting]
Louis Tully So, you want to play Boggle or Super Mario Bros.?
Janine Melnitz No. I think motherhood's a very natural instinct. I'd like a child myself. Would you?
Louis Tully Tonight?
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Peter Venkman Dana, the guys are going down to the sewer to check for slime stuff. And Egon thinks there may be a huge surge in cockroach breeding. Want to blow off this dinner thing and go with them?
Dana Taxi!
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Ray [dripping with good slime] Hey, man, let me tell you something. I love you.
Janosz Yes? Well, I love you too.
[they hug]
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Louis Tully [waits at the bus stop only to find Slimer is driving the bus] Oh, it's you.
Louis Tully [Slimer offers Louis to come aboard the bus] Okay, but I didn't know you had your license.
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Janosz [singing] We will come from behind...
Ray Hey.
Janosz What... wha...
[Egon and Ray help a positively charged slimed Janosz up to his feet]
Egon Are you all right?
Janosz Eh... wh... why am I drippings with goo?
Egon You had a violent, prolonged transformative, psychic episode.
Janosz Huh?
Ray Sorry we had to hose you there, but you were kind of out of control. Hey man, let me tell you something. I love you.
Janosz [flattered with joy] Yes?
Ray Yeah.
Janosz Well, I love you too.
[They both hug]
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Louis Tully So the 7 little dwarves had a limited partnership in a small mining operation. And one day a beautiful princess came to live with them. And they bartered housekeeping services for room and board, which was a real good deal for them because they didn't have to withhold social security or income tax or nothin', which you're really not supposed to do, you see, but for the purpose of the story, I think it's okay.
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Peter Venkman [taking photographs of the painting of Vigo] You know what, give me angry. Will you? Will you give me angry. You've had a bad day. You're cranky. Yeah. Thank you. Good. Good! Oo, angrier! Ooo, you're scaring me. Stop it. Yeah. Good! Okay, womp for me, chomp for me. Yeah, yeah! Okay, give me hot and sexy. Can you do it? You can. Oh, boy. Show me some teeth. Come on. I bet the girls like you, huh? Huh, the girls? Do the guys? I bet they both do, huh? Huh, what about the animals? Do they like you? That's it. More! Yeah, come on. You're big! You're big! All right, just drive it! Just drive it! Yeah, yeah! Just drive it! Yeah! Yeah, yeah! Give it! Give it! Yeah!
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Louis Tully Happy New Year. Stay fit. Keep sharp. Make good decisions.
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Brownstone Boy #2 My dad says you guys are full of crap.
Ray Well, some people have a hard time believing in the paranormal.
Brownstone Boy #2 Nah, he just said you guys are full of crap and that's why you went out of business.
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Egon [after a ghost train runs through Winston] I think that was the old New York Central "City of Albany"! Derailed in 1920! Killed hundreds of people! Did you catch the number on the locomotive?
Winston Sorry. I missed it.
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Peter Venkman Viggy, Viggy, Viggy, you have been a bad monkey!
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Egon [talking about the mood slime after yelling at it] We're running tests to see if we can get an equally strong positive response.
Peter Venkman What kind of tests?
Ray Well, we sing to it, talk to it, and say supportive, nurturing things to it.
Peter Venkman You're not sleeping with it, are you, Ray?
[Ray doesn't answer, but stares intently at Egon]
Peter Venkman [noticing Egon, teasingly] You hound.
Winston It's always the quiet ones.
Egon [clears throat, and hastily changes the subject] How 'bout the kinetic test?
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[over the phone with Peter, hearing that Dana's bathtub tried to eat her]
Ray What? Are you serious? That's great! - I mean that's not great; that's terrible... Spengler, major slime-related psychokinetic event!
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[viewing the River of Slime]
Egon You know how much negative energy would be necessary to generate a flow this size?
Winston New York - what a town, huh?
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Egon Let's see what happens when we take away the puppy.
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Vigo Death is but a doorway, time is but a window, I'll be back.
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Peter Venkman Uh, perhaps you can help me? I'm looking for a love-potion aerosol, that I can spray on a certain Penthouse Pet, to obtain her total submission.
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Peter Venkman Here's something off the request line from Liberty Island. We're gonna squeeze some New Year's juice from ya, Big Apple!
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[two ten foot high, full-torso apparitions strapped into electric chairs with sparking electrical wires still attached, burst out of a specimen jar and hover in the air in the middle of a courtroom, sparks flying, before suddenly diving towards the judge and exploding]
Ray Wow!
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Egon My parents didn't believe in toys.
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Egon [producing a toaster] Ordinary household toaster.
Peter Venkman We'll take your word for that.
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Janosz This is Prince Vigo, the ruler of Carpathia and Moldavia.
Peter Venkman Bit of a sissy, isn't he?
Janosz He was a very powerful magician, Dr. Venkman. And, a genius in many ways.
Dana He was also a lunatic and a genocidal madman. I hate this painting.
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Dana You know, I think we got more food on your shirt than we did in your mouth. Bath... yes, bath. It's your favorite thing. Bath. It's your favorite thing! It's your favorite thing! Because I know what you get to do. You know what you get to do? You know what's more fun than anything? Huh? Splash Mommy. "I get to splash Mommy!" Yes! Now to get ready for this, Mommy's going to take her shirt off too...
[Takes off shirt, picks Oscar up. Turns around. The mass of pink slime reaches for Oscar and attacks; Dana screams and runs]
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Dana So what do you think?
Peter Venkman Well, he's ugly. I mean, he's not Elephant Man ugly, but he's not attractive. Was his father ugly?
Dana [to Oscar] Don't listen.
Peter Venkman And he stinks! You're ripe, Senor! Did his father stink? Yeah, I bet Daddy was smelly, wasn't he?
Dana But seriously, there's nothing... unusual about him, is there?
Peter Venkman Well, I don't have a lot of experience with babies... but you're excited now, because Mama's here to get your stool sample!
Dana Stool sample?
Peter Venkman Yeah...
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Egon [Looking at Pictures of Vigo that Peter took earlier] We were right, Ray. Multi-palaner kirilian emanations.
Ray [getting another picture] Yeah, well here is your next month's cover of GQ, check out the aura on this sucker. Now there is definitely a living presence there.
Egon We should get a deeper look.
Ray Why not I run this wider shot through the spectral analyzer?
Egon Good, I'll try turning up the Roentgens.
[Puts a picture into the spectrogram, now talks about dinner]
Ray So, what do you think, Chinese?
Egon Uh, how about Thai?
Ray Nah, too spicy. Greek?
Egon Uh, Mexican?
Ray Pizza?
Egon Thin or thick?
Ray Chicago.
Egon [Takes out a picture of Vigo] What the hell is that?
[picks up his giant maginfying glass]
Ray I know what it is.
[Unbeknownst to Ray and Egon, the door is suddenly locked]
Ray I've seen this before.
Egon Where?
Ray Remember when you had me dangling like a worm on a hook 100 feet below 1st Avenue?
[Shows the slime on the picture]
Ray That's the river of slime.
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Ray [after getting off of the phone with Peter] Spengler. A major slime-related psychokinetic event.
Egon What happened?
Ray Something came out of Dana's bathtub, tried to grab her and the baby.
Egon Are they all right?
Ray Yeah, she got out of there and went over to Venkman's.
Egon This is interesting, Ray. Remember that Vigo character Peter mentioned? Look what came up
[Goes to his computer and types up Vigo's profile]
Ray Nice ugly history. Do you think there's a connection to this Vigo character and the...
[Looks at the slime which is still bubbling]
Ray slime?
Egon Is the atomic weight of colbalt 58.9?
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Judge Wexler [Running from the Scolari Bros. and pounding on the door, then grabs ray by his suit jacket] You gotta do something, help me!
Ray Don't talk to me, talk to my attorney.
Louis Tully That's me. My guys are still under a judicial restraining order. That blue thing I got from her, they can be exposing themselves.
Peter Venkman And you don't want us exposing ourselves.
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Peter Venkman Dana, did you see some shirts here in the floorboard area?
Dana Yeah, I put them in the hamper.
Peter Venkman I have a hamper?
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Prosecutor Do you know what this equipment is used for?
Con Ed Supervisor Fianella I don't know. Eh, catching ghosts, maybe? I don't know.
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Louis Tully [TV Commercial] What is it, honey?
Janine Melnitz It's that darn ghost again. He just won't leave us alone. I guess we're just going to have to move.
Louis Tully No, wait! Don't worry. We're not moving.
[picks up the phone]
Louis Tully He is!
Janine Melnitz Who are you going to call?
Egon Egon, Peter Venkman, Ray, Winston: Ghostbusters.
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Peter Venkman [holding up a Jets jersey] Okay, I have been holding onto this for a long time, Oscar. I got this - from a girl - who got this - from Joe - Willie Namath. Okay? We don't know how. We don't want to know. So, I would appreciate it if you would not hose this thing down, you know, give it your own personal rinse. Thank you. It would be an excellent time for you to start practicing the thing we big guys call: self-control.
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Peter Venkman I've also brought some things from your apartment. Some wardrobe choices. A couple of provocative ensembles in here. I'll leave it up to you.
Dana Okay, but, after dinner, don't put any of those old cheap moves on me. Okay?
Peter Venkman No, no. No, no.
Dana It's different.
Peter Venkman I have all new cheap moves.
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Janine Melnitz Hi Dana, how was your date?
Dana Well, it wasn't a date. It was just dinner.
Louis Tully Where's Peter?
Dana Oh, he's arrested.
Janine Melnitz Typical.
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Dana Hello, Peter.
Peter Venkman [whips around Melodramatically, and speaks in a soap opera-esque deep tone] Hello, Dana.
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The Mayor Being miserable and treating other people like dirt is every New Yorker's God-given right.
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Ray It responds to music. So, we've been doing some experimentation, playing easy listening, middle of the road type stuff. You know, Paul Young, "Dust in the Wind," that works okay...
Peter Venkman Works for me.
Egon Loves Jackie Wilson.
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Ray This is an incredible breakthrough. I mean, what a discovery. A psychoreactive substance! Whatever this stuff is, it responds to human emotional states.
Peter Venkman Mood slime. Oh, baby...
Winston You mean this stuff actually feeds on bad vibes?
Ray Like a cop in a doughnut factory.
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Dana The most awful thing happened. The bathtub. The bathtub was trying to eat Oscar! I was giving him a bath. There was all this pink ooze everywhere and it was reaching for him.
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Rudy the Museum Guard Hey, Dr. Venkman. "World of the Psychic"!
Peter Venkman That's right. How are you doing?
Rudy the Museum Guard Hey, I'm a big, big fan of yours.
Peter Venkman Thank you, very much. Thank you.
Rudy the Museum Guard It used to be one of my two favorite shows.
Peter Venkman You're kidding me. Oh, great. What was the other one?
Rudy the Museum Guard "Bass Masters".
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Ray We better get over to Dana's apartment. I'd like to check out that bathtub.
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Dana So, how are we going to handle the sleeping arrangements?
Peter Venkman Well, what's best for me is if I lie on my side like this and you spoon up beside me, your arm draped over me. We do it the other way, I get your hair caught in my throat and I choke in the night.
Dana Well, how about you on the sofa and me and the baby in the bed.
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Dana [steps out of the bathroom, wet, wearing only a towel] So, what happened with my apartment?
Peter Venkman Well, the guys spent the whole night there. They went through all your things, your personal stuff. They tried on some of your clothes. Made some personal phone calls. Cleaned out the fridge.
Dana Did they find anything?
Peter Venkman They found a little bit of that pink slime.
Dana Oh, God. Well, what am I supposed to do now?
Peter Venkman *You* are supposed to get dressed and get crazy with me on the streets of Manhattan tonight. Let's go.
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Ray Peter, it's great that you're here. We've got incredible news.
Peter Venkman Wait a minute. Can I have one try? All-you-can-eat barbecue rib night at the Sizzler?
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Janine Melnitz Do you want to babysit with me?
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Dana A toast to - the most charming, kindest...
Peter Venkman Oh, it's me.
Dana It's you. And most unusual man - I've ever broken up with.
Peter Venkman Speaking of breaking up with neat guys, why did you dump me?
Dana I didn't dump you. I was - protecting myself. I mean, you weren't very good for me, you know. You know that, don't you?
Peter Venkman Well, heck, I'm not even good for me.
Dana You're much better than you realized. You don't give yourself enough credit.
Peter Venkman I need to hear that kind of stuff. If I had this kind of support, on a 24 hour a day basis, I'd have myself whipped into shape by the end of this century.
Dana Well, why don't you just give me a jingle in the year 2000.
Peter Venkman Why don't I give you - a jingle right now.
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Ray Forget about cockroaches. It's the subway rats you gotta worry about. Big as beavers.
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Police Commissioner We've got every man in uniform on the streets and I am still shorthanded. We've got meter maids chasing ghosts over midtown.
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Dana [holding Oscar] You stay away from us, Janosz. I mean it.
Janosz Oh, don't worry. He will not be harmed. He has been chosen - to be the vessel of the spirit of Vigo. And you - will be the mother of the ruler of the world. Doesn't that sound nice?
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Vigo The season of evil begins with the birth of the new year.
Janosz Good!
Vigo Bring me the child that I might live again.
Janosz Yes. Lord Vigo, I was wondering, this woman Dana, is fine and strong. Now, if I want to have bring the baby, could I have the woman?
Vigo So be it. On this the day of darkness, she will be ours, wife to you and mother to me.
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Winston Hey, let's frost it.
Ray It's slime time.
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[last lines]
Winston Hey, fellas. You want to take a look at this?
Ray Wow.
Egon Early Renaissance, I think. Raphael or Piero della Francesca.
Peter Venkman No. I believe it's one of the Fettuccine's.
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Dana Is he - dead?
Ray Uh-uh. This slime is positively charged. He'll wake up feeling like a million bucks.
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Janosz Soon it will be midnight, and the city will be mine and Vigo's! Well, mainly Vigo's. Oh, Dana, you and I have this terrific opportunity to make the best of this relationship.
Dana We don't have a relationship.
Janosz I know! Marry me, Dana. Together, we will raise Vigo as our son. And let me tell you something here. There are many perks in being the mother of a living god. I'm sure we could get a magnificent apartment, a car, free parking... Many marriages begin with a certain of distance, yet I think that perhaps you and I could learn to... love each other.
Dana [pretends to be intrigued] Yes. I could learn.
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Egon We're running out of time, Ray.
Winston [to Ray] Can't you go any faster?
Ray I'm afraid the vibrations will shake her to pieces.
[to Egon]
Ray You should've padded her feet.
Egon I don't think they make Nike's in her size, Ray.
Peter Venkman Oh, don't worry. She's tough. She's a harbor chick!
[the animated Statue of Liberty crushes an NYPD squad car, shocking the paradegoers]
Ray Sorry! My fault!
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[the Ghostbusters are released from Parkview Hospital; As the team puts on their uniforms, Louis explains how Janosz Poha, in the ghostly form of a crazed nanny, kidnapped Oscar, Dana Barrett's baby]
Louis Tully And then he took the baby, and he put it in a carriage, and then levitated away!
Peter Venkman What did Dana do? Where'd she go?
Louis Tully I don't know. She said she was going to the museum to get the baby back. And then there was an eclipse, and the whole town went dark and everybody's nuts!
Ray It all fits. Vigo wants in on the 21st century. He needs a human body to inhabit. Little Oscar must be it!
Winston And I bet we're the only ones who can do anything about it, right?
Ray You bet we are!
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[the Ghostbusters rappel down from the Statue of Liberty through the smashed glass ceiling into the museum]
Janosz Do you know who that is?
Peter Venkman Happy New Year!
Janosz He's Vigo! You are like the buzzing of files to him!
[Janosz sees that Vigo has disappeared from the painting]
Peter Venkman Oh, Johnny, did you back the wrong horse.
[to Ray and Winston]
Peter Venkman Will you hose him, please?
Ray Hose him.
[Ray and Winston sprays Janosz with the newly-created, positively-charged slime. Janosz helplessly screams as the slime incapacitates him, knocking him to the floor unconscious]
Winston One down.
Ray On the ground.
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Janosz Four minutes to go, and then, party times!
[the evil soul of Vigo the Carpathian is about to possess Oscar, Dana Barrett's child]
Dana [horrified] Oscar...
[Dana attempts to grab the baby, but Janosz pushes her back]
Janosz [excited] It's happening. It's really happening!
[Just as the possession is nearly completed, the Ghostbusters, in the animated Statue of Liberty, appears. The slime barrier starts to partially recede from the glass ceiling; Janosz is frustrated]
Janosz Wha- No. Go! No, go away from here!
[Dana successfully grabs Oscar, thus stopping Vigo from possessing the baby]
Janosz Go away!
[Outside, the partygoers are cheering in excitement as Ray pilots the statue's torch]
Peter Venkman I love it when you roughhouse!
Egon Hit it, mama!
Ray DROP THE HAMMER ON HER!
Winston Go! Do it!
[the torch smashes through the glass ceiling as Janosz watches in shock and frustration; the rappel cords are thrown from the crown]
Dana Oh, Oscar, look!
Janosz Go away!
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Ray You know, I just can't believe things have gotten so bad in this city that there's no way back. I mean, sure, it's messy, it's crowded, it's polluted, and there are people who would just as soon step on your face as look at you. But come on! There's gotta be a few sparks of sweet humanity left in this burned-out berg. We just gotta find a way to mobilize it!
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Prosecutor I'll ask you again, Dr. Venkman, why were you digging the hole? And please remember that you're under oath.
Peter Venkman There are some things in this world that go way beyond human understanding. Things that cannot be explained, things that most people don't wanna know about. That is where we come in.
Prosecutor So, what you're saying is that the world of the supernatural is your exclusive province?
Peter Venkman Kitten, I think what I'm saying, is that sometimes, shit happens, someone has to deal with it, and who ya gonna call?
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Dock Supervisor [after seeing the Titanic arrive] Well, better late then never.
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Prosecutor Objection, Your Honor.
Louis Tully What?
Prosecutor He's leading the witness.
Judge Wexler Sustained!
Louis Tully Give me a break, we're *both* lawyers.
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Peter Venkman [to his very agitated, slime covered fellow Ghostbusters in the restaurant] Boys, boys, you're scaring the straights, okay? Is there any way we can do this tomorrow?
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Winston That was really stupid.
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[Ray and Winston have been hired as birthday party entertainers and the two are dancing to the "Ghostbusters" theme song]
Ray Ray, Winston: [singing] If there's something strange/in the neighborhood/who ya gonna call?
Birthday Party Kids [in unison] HE-MAN!
[the birthday party kids rush out of the room, leaving a despondent Ray and Winston]
Ray Ray, Winston: [singing sadly] And it don't look good...
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Egon Send in the puppy.
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Peter Venkman Where do you find these people? Weren't we supposed to have the telekinetic guy who bends the spoons?
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Janosz He is Vigo! You are like the buzzing of flies to him!
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Peter Venkman [outside the courthouse] We're the best. We're the beautiful. We're the only - Ghostbusters.
Ray We're back!
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Ray Not so fast, Dead-Head! You want a baby, why don't you go knock up some willing hellhound! Otherwise I'm giving you three to get back in that painting! One!
Peter Venkman Two.
Ray Three!
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Janosz You know, Dana, there are many perks to being the mother of a living god.
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Janosz [after getting shocked by Vigo the first time, falling down the step ladder he was working on] Stinging! I'm stinging!
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Peter Venkman [while Vigo is holding Oscar] Not so fast, Vigo. Hey, Vigo, yeah, you, the bimbo with the baby. Didn't you know the big-shoulder look is out? You know, I have met some dumb blondes in my life, but you take the taco, pal. Only a Carpathian, will come back to life now and choose New York. Tasty pick, bonehead. If you had brain one in that "huge" melon on top of your neck, you'd be livin' the sweet life, out in southern California's beautiful San Fernando valley.
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Peter Venkman [walking towards the camera] That is the whole problem with aliens is you just can't trust them. Occasionally you meet a nice once: Star Man, E.T. But usually they turn out to be some kind of big lizard! But that's all the time we've got for this week on "World of the Psychic". Next week though
[Crew Member hands Peter a hairless cat]
Peter Venkman Give me Ira. Hairless pets. Weird.
[hands the cat back to the Crew Member]
Peter Venkman Until then, this is Peter Venkman saying -
[makes a gesture as if he is sending out a telepathic message]
Peter Venkman See you then.
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Egon I think that was the New York Central City Albany! Derailed in 1920 and killed hundreds of people, did you catch the number on the locomotive?
Winston Sorry, I missed it.
Egon Something's trying to stop us, we must be close.
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[at Dana's apartment, Louis and Janine watch the movie "The Lady from Shanghai" on TV]
Janine Melnitz Is, like, she the killer or what?
Louis Tully No. That's Rita Hayworth. She was married to Citizen Kane while they were doing this thing. Then right after they finished, she dumped him for some polo player. I don't why beautiful girls love horses so much. Do you love horses?
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Vigo [In deep, throaty voice while holding Oscar] Now we become one.
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Janine Melnitz [picks up a ringing phone] Ghostbusters. Yes. We're back.
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Judge Wexler [At the Ghostbusters' trial] Before we begin this trial, I want to make one thing very clear: The law does not recognize the existence of ghosts, and I don't believe in them either. So I don't wanna hear a lot of malarkey about goblins, spooks, and demons. We're gonna stick to the facts in this case. Leave the ghost stories to the kiddies, understood?
Winston Wow. Sounds like a pretty open-minded guy, huh?
Egon Yeah, they call him "The Hammer."
Ray What can we do? It's all in the hands of our lawyer now.
Louis Tully I think you guys are making a big mistake. I do mostly tax law and some probate stuff occasionally. I got my law degree at night school.
Ray Well, that's fine, Louis. We got arrested at night.
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Hardemeyer Look, just put these guys away fast and make sure they go away for a long, long time, okay?
Prosecutor I don't think it's gonna be hard with this list of charges.
Hardemeyer Good. Very good.
[to Peter and the Ghostbusters]
Hardemeyer Violating a judicial restraining order, willful destruction of public property, fraud, malicious mischief...
[chuckles]
Hardemeyer See you in a couple of years at you first parole hearing.
Peter Venkman [chuckles] They'll never take us alive.
Judge Wexler [bangs gavel] All right, all right. Let's get on with it.
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[to the bunch of reporters outside the courtroom after trapping the Scoleri Brothers]
Peter Venkman We're the best. We're the beautiful. We're the only Ghostbusters.
Ray [excited] We're back!
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Janosz [Wakes up after being doused with "good" slime] Why am I all dripping with goo?
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Peter Venkman [the Ghostbusters enters the museum's restoration room] All right, suck in the guts, guys. We're the Ghostbusters.
[they breathe in]
Janosz [approaches the four; claps] No! No, please go! You...
Ray Who's this wiggler?
Peter Venkman He's yours, Ray. Sic him.
Janosz [to Peter] I have discuss things with you. Now I...
Ray Hi, how are you? Ray Stantz from the Ghostbusters. Nice to see you. Beautiful lab you have here.
Janosz Can I tell what I told your friend?
Ray We're just doing a routine spook check.
Janosz Eh, Dr. Venkman, Dana is not here.
Peter Venkman Yeah, we know that, Johnny.
Janosz So why are you came?
Peter Venkman Well, we got a report there was a major creep in the area. We checked our list and you were right on the top. Johnny, where the hell are you from anyway?
Janosz The Upper West Side.
Egon The whole room's extremely hot, Peter.
Janosz Hot?
Winston [notices the painting of Vigo] Ooh, that's one ugly dude.
Peter Venkman Oh, that's Vigo. Mr. Vigo?
Janosz Uh...
Peter Venkman [starts to take pictures of Vigo] Vigs, would you look this way, please?
Janosz Please. No, don't. No, no!
Peter Venkman Come on, show me something.
Janosz No! No photographs, please! Slides are available in the Gift Shop, eh?
[Winston pulls Janosz out of the way; Janosz yells]
Peter Venkman Yeah, thanks. Thank you, Winston.
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Peter Venkman What's his name?
[to Oscar]
Peter Venkman What's you're name, little guy?
Dana His name is Oscar.
Peter Venkman [to Oscar] Named after a hot dog. You poor man. You poor, poor man.
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Peter Venkman I'm an old friend of the mayor's. I just wanted to say hello and give him a kiss.
Hardemeyer I'm Jack Hardemeyer. I'm the mayor's assistant. I know who you are, Dr. Venkman. I just don't see any ghosts anywhere?
Peter Venkman Well, that's why I wanted to talk to his highness. See, we did a little job for the city a while back and we got *stiffed* on the bill by some bureaucratic bookworm like yourself.
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Milton Angland I predict that the world will end at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve.
Peter Venkman This year? Well, that's cutting it a little bit close, isn't it? I mean, just from a sales point of view, I mean, your book is just coming out. You're not going to see any paperback sales for at least a year. It'll be at least another year before, you know, you got a mini series or a movie-of-the-week kind of possibility. I mean, just, devil's advocate, Milty, I mean, shouldn't you have said, "Hey, the world's going to end in 1992"? Better yet, "1994"?
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Peter Venkman I'm Peter Venkman. I'm chatting with my guest, author, lecturer, and, of course, psychic, Milton Anglund. Milt, your new book is called, "The End of the World". Now, could you tell us when it's going to be or - do we have to buy the book?
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Peter Venkman [walks into Dana's apartment] Well, I know I'm just asking for the big hurt; but, I thought I'd give us one more chance.
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Janosz You don't need anything? You know? You want me to come in?
Dana No, thank you.
Janosz Ah, well, just thought that I would check. You know. Well, hey you, don't let de bed bugs bite.
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Judge Wexler Mr. Tully, do you have any questions for this witness that might have some bearing on this case?
Louis Tully [to Venkman, on the witness stand] Do I?
Peter Venkman No, we've helped them out enough already.
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Ray Slime! It's a river of slime! There must be 25,000 gallons of it. It's flowing through here like a river!
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Judge Wexler You got to do something!
Egon Why don't you just tell them you don't believe in ghost?
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[TV Commercial]
Egon With our special half price service plan.
Peter Venkman What? Hold on. Half Price? Have we all gone mad?
Ray I guess so, Pete. Because that's not all. Tell them, Egon.
Egon Oh, you mean the Ghostbusters hot beverage thermal mug and free balloons for the kids.
Egon Egon, Peter Venkman, Ray, Winston: Ghoooooostbusters!
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Peter Venkman It's been a couple of years since we used this stuff. I hope it still works.
Egon It should. The power cells have a half life of 5,000 years.
Ray There's no time for a bench test. Heat 'em up!
Peter Venkman [singing] Dooooo... .
Ray Reeee... ..
Egon Egon... .
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Peter Venkman You're good, pretty eyes.
Dana I didn't paint it. I'm just cleaning it. It's a Gauguin.
Peter Venkman Well, I've heard of him.
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