Duck, You Sucker! Movie Quotes
Juan Miranda
What's that?
John H. Mallory
It's a map.
[Juan lies down on top of it]
John H. Mallory
It's your country you're lyin' all over, there!
Juan Miranda
[drowsily]
Hm-hm. Not my country. My country's... me and my family.
John H. Mallory
Well, your country's also Huerta, the governor, the landlords... Günther Ruiz and his locusts... this little revolution we're having here.
Juan Miranda
[alert]
A revolution? "Little revolution"? Please, don't try to tell me about revolution! I know all about the revolutions and how they start! The people that read the books, they go to the people that don't read the books, and say "Ho-ho! The time has come to have a change, eh?"
John H. Mallory
Shhhh...
Juan Miranda
[mimicking John]
Sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, SHIT, SHUSH! I know what I am talking about when I am talking about revolutions! The people who read the books go to the people who can't read the books, the poor people, and say, "We have to have a change." So, the poor people make the change, ah? And then, the people who read the books, they all sit around the big polished tables, and they talk and talk and talk and eat and eat and eat, eh? But what has happened to the poor people? THEY ARE DEAD! That's your revolution! Sh... so, please... don't tell me about revolutions. And what happens afterwards? The same fucking thing starts all over again!
[throws a book he was reading into the mud: Mikhael A. Bakunin, The Patriotism]
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John H. Mallory
[to Dr. Villega]
When I started using dynamite... I believed in... many things, all of it! Now, I believe only in dynamite. I don't judge you, Villega. I did that only... once in my life. Get shovellin'.
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[opening title card]
[opening title card]
: The revolution is not a social dinner, a literary event, a drawing or an embroidery; it cannot be done with... elegance and courtesy. The revolution is an act of violence... -Mao Tse-tung
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John H. Mallory
Where there's revolution there's confusion, and when there's confusion, a man who knows what he wants stands a good chance of getting it.
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Juan Miranda
[a bird in a cage defecates on Juan's head, Juan looks up]
For the rich you sing.
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[repeated line, right before something explodes]
John H. Mallory
Duck, you sucker!
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[John opens his coat to reveal the explosives he carries]
John H. Mallory
You pull that trigger and shoot me, I fall. And if I fall... they'll have to alter all the maps.
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[last lines in uncut version]
Juan Miranda
[quietly]
What about me?
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[one of Juan's sons has just fired a pistol into the air]
Juan Miranda
How many times have I told you, Chulo? No shooting unless papa pulls the trigger!
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John H. Mallory
Say, which way is it to Lucanina?
Juan Miranda
Fuck you! Go find it yourself!
John H. Mallory
Ah hahahaha!
Juan Miranda
Mexico is big, but for you it is going to be very big!
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[alternate opening title card]
[alternate opening title card]
: A revolution is not a dinner party, or writing an essay, or painting a picture, or doing embroidery; It cannot be so refined, so leisurely and gentle, so temperate, kind, courteous, restrained and magnanimous. A revolution is an insurrection, an act of violence by which one class overthrows the other. -MAO TSE TUNG
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[Juan runs to escape a horde of revolutionaries, but is grabbed by John]
John H. Mallory
Where are you goin', for Christ's sake?
Juan Miranda
I don't know. I don't know, but something's wrong! I went into the bank. But when I go in the bank, there's nothing there, no money, nothing.
John H. Mallory
Oh, well, the bank and the money were transferred to Mexico City over a month ago. Well, they've been using this place for a political prison ever since.
[Juan suddenly cocks his gun at John, who chuckles]
Juan Miranda
What do you mean, a political prison?
John H. Mallory
Well, I never said a thing about money. All I asked you was if you wanted to get inside.
Juan Miranda
But you know that this bank is my life! This is my dream!
John H. Mallory
Well, the reality of that is... you just liberated a hundred and fifty patriots through sheer courage in the face of danger.
[giggles]
John H. Mallory
Ah, yes... you're a grand hero of the revolution now. Viva Miranda.
[the cheering crowd lifts Juan onto its shoulders]
Juan Miranda
I don't wanna be a hero! All I want is the money, the money!
John H. Mallory
VIVA MIRANDA!
Juan Miranda
You taught me one thing!
Juan Miranda
How to get FUCKED!
[gives John the finger]
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Juan Miranda
What kinda work you do for the German? Listen, I asked you a question. What do you do for the German?
John H. Mallory
I've been looking for silver.
Juan Miranda
Silver? You know something? I don't understand you. I don't understand how you waste your time and your holy water looking for silver. To me, that's a sin.
John H. Mallory
Do you have any better ideas?
Juan Miranda
Si, I think gold is better than silver.
John H. Mallory
Ah, there isn't any gold in these hills.
Juan Miranda
Oh ho, yes there is! In Mesa Verde.
John H. Mallory
Mesa Verde? It's a city.
Juan Miranda
Of course it's a city! Who ever heard of having a bank in the country, huh?
John H. Mallory
Uh huh. A bank?
Juan Miranda
Not "a bank." *The bank!* The most beautiful, wonderful, fantastic, gorgeous, magnificent bank in the whole world! When you stand before the bank and you see it has the gates of gold, like it was the gates of heaven. And when you go inside, everything, *everything* is gold! Gold spittoons, gold handles, and money, money, money is everywhere. And you know, I know 'cause I saw this when I was eight years old. I went there with my father. He tried to rob the bank, but they caught him. But they will never catch me, eh, Papa?
Papa Miranda
Right.
Juan Miranda
Listen, Firecracker. Now you listen to me... listen, why don't you come with me, eh? And we will work together... and we will become rich.
[chuckles]
Juan Miranda
What the hell is your name?
Juan Miranda
What?
John H. Mallory
John.
Juan Miranda
What is your name?
John H. Mallory
John.
Juan Miranda
[laughs]
That's fantastic, that is incredible, eh! My name is Juan and yours is John! It's Juan and John, eh? Heh, heh!
John H. Mallory
So what?
Juan Miranda
What do you mean, "So what?" Can't you understand that is... that is... the... oh... ah... destiny.
[John remembers his girlfriend and friend]
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Dr. Villega
I see. You've already judged and condemned me.
[John doesn't answer]
Dr. Villega
That's why you've brought me with you. To kill me. It's easy to judge. Have you ever been tortured? Are you sure you wouldn't talk? I was sure. And yet I talked. Some men died because of me. What should I do? Kill myself? Why? The dead remain dead but me, I have not changed. I still believe in the same things. I can continue to serve the cause!
John H. Mallory
Shut up, Villega! Shut up, for Christ's sake.
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American on wagon
You'll pay for this, you bastards! I'm a citizen of the United States of America!
Papa Miranda
To me, you are just a naked son of a bitch. Understand, Yankee?
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[repeated line]
Juan Miranda
O-kay!
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Priest
[about peasants]
I hate saying it, but you should hear them in the confessional. You would never imagine. Did you know that they...
Adelita, woman in stagecoach
I can imagine, Father. I can imagine. Living in such promiscuity. All of them in one room, male and female together, lying in a heap, like rats in a sewer. At night, when the lights are out, all their inhibitions disappear. You never know who's next: mother, sister, daughter... goat...
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Dr. Villega
Not everybody can fight. There are those who must organize, coordinate.
Sean Mallory
Yes, yes. Of course!
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American on wagon
[regarding peasants]
Every country has its own plague. Just like them niggers... we got back home.
Notary on Stagecoach
Just like animals, you mean, because that's what they are.
Landowner on stagecoach
Exactly. Which is why they're half-wits...
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Juan Miranda
You've come here to join the Revolution?
John H. Mallory
No. No, one was enough for me.
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Dr. Villega
When the enemy is busy on four fronts, we'll move against our real objective. Do we still agree?
[John nods]
Dr. Villega
You'll need men.
John H. Mallory
I only need one man.
Dr. Villega
One?
John H. Mallory
Sí.
Dr. Villega
[gestures to Juan]
Him.
[John nods]
Juan Miranda
[exasperated]
"Him"? "Him"? What is with this "him"? Him, whom? Who him, huh? TO DO WHAT? That's what I wanna know!
John H. Mallory
To attack the bank.
Juan Miranda
[thinking they want him to commit a robbery]
The bank? Oh, w-w-w-w-w-w-we will take care of the bank. That's why we're here, so don't worry about that!
Dr. Villega
Well, then... what can I say? Except... I hope you make it.
[shakes Juan's hand]
Juan Miranda
Me too. And him!
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Juan Miranda
[looking through John's binoculars the wrong way]
He says there's no danger; all you have to do is just watch the bridge from a long way. No matter how I look with them, I'm still too close to the bridge.
[looks through them the right way]
Juan Miranda
Why am I mixed up in this fucking revolution in the first place? Go ahead, you tell me God; what am I doing here? Why didn't you strike me dead instead of letting me say "I stay too"?
[notices John walking away from the birdge]
Juan Miranda
Oh-ho, look at him. Look at him! All because of him! He acts like a tourist that's going somewhere, only he's staying, eh, heh-heh! Look at him. What the hell does he care, ho-ho, he's having fun. Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! I'm glad he's having fun, God, because I am not having fun. Oh-ho. No! Hey, what's this?
[notices John napping]
Juan Miranda
Ho-ho, now he goes to sleep, eh? Go ahead, you sleep. Sleep. I tell you something God: when he's asleep, I go. Shhh. May the good Lord watch over you.
[prepares to leave, but notices Günther Ruiz and his soldiers arriving at the bridge]
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[repeated line]
John H. Mallory
Jesus, for chrissake!
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Juan Miranda
Listen, Günther Ruiz is after us, and now Villa wants to talk to me, I think we should get outta here.
Sean Mallory
[puffing on cigar]
Well, Jesus, Juan-o, you can't leave now, you're a great, grand, glorious hero of the revolution.
Juan Miranda
Uh, can I tell you something?
Sean Mallory
What?
Juan Miranda
[whispering]
Fuck you.
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Juan Miranda
Hey, what kind of trouble you in?
John H. Mallory
Oh, we had a wee fart of a revolution in Ireland.
Juan Miranda
A revolution? Seems to me the revolutions are all over the world. You know, they're like the *crabs*! We had a revolution here. When it started, all the brave people went in it, and what it did to them was terrible. Pancho Villa, the best bandit chief in the world, you know that? This man had two balls like the bull. He went in the revolution as a great bandit. When he came out, he came out as what? Nothing. A general, huh? That, to me, is the bullshit!
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[repeated line]
Juan Miranda
John... and Juan...
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[the other revolutionaries have left while Juan and John defend the bridge]
Juan Miranda
Listen, when they are out of sight, we will make a run for it. ¿Sí?
[John doesn't respond]
Juan Miranda
No? You can't mean to stay here? All those explosions must have gone to your head!
[whispering]
Juan Miranda
Remember: John and Juan? America. The millions. No?
John H. Mallory
No.
Juan Miranda
I don't understand you! I thought you made some kind of a trick so we can get out of here - what can the two of us do against those locusts?
John H. Mallory
Oh, you'd be doing me a great favor if you'd leave! If it's a choice I'd have to make between a chicken thief, and riddin' the world of a few uniforms... I'll not be choosin' the chicken thief.
Juan Miranda
O-kay. O-kay!
[begins to walk away]
Juan Miranda
NO!
[laughs]
Juan Miranda
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. You will like that, uh? Well, you listen to me, you Irish piece of shit! You think you're the only man in the world who has the balls to stay? Well, you are wrong! 'Cause I - have - the - balls - and - I - stay!
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Second Policeman on Train
[holding Juan at gunpoint after he kills another officer]
Drop the knife, you bastard.
[Juan drops the knife, while the policeman raises his hands]
Second Policeman on Train
I have family.
[Juan realises that Dr. Villega is holding a gun to his back. He takes the officer's gun]
Juan Miranda
[chuckles]
I have family too, eh!
[slaps the officer and throws him screaming off the train]
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[first lines]
Stagecoach driver
[shouts various commands to the horses in Spanish, eventually making theme stop near a water trough]
Juan Miranda
[runs to the stagecoach]
Señor! Señor! Señor...
Yankee, Stagecoach Driver
[to the Mexican driver]
Tighten up that girth.
Juan Miranda
Señor, I... I must go to San Felipe... my mother is dead!
Yankee, Stagecoach Driver
Straight down the road, about fifty miles.
Juan Miranda
[pats his shoulder, and hands him some money]
Please?
Yankee, Stagecoach Driver
[pushes him]
Eh, get outta here.
[Juan begins to walk away, crying]
Yankee, Stagecoach Driver
Hey. Hey, amigo. Come here.
[looks him over]
Yankee, Stagecoach Driver
Ohhh... perfect. You're perfect! I swear to God, boys, he's just right. I'm gonna put you on that stage, and watch those faces when they see you come in!
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Miguel
[referring to Juan]
What about that one? Him?
Dr. Villega
He's alright... except that when operating, he cuts deeper than I do.
Juan Miranda
What the doctor means is that one time we did a... little work together.
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[Juan is confronting a landowner who mocked him about not knowing about his family]
Juan Miranda
You wanted to know my family?
[slaps him]
Juan Miranda
That's my sons. Each one of them from a different mother, eh? And now, you kneel. Kneel. KNEEL!
[forces him to his knees]
Juan Miranda
Papa!
[his father comes out of the stagecoach]
Juan Miranda
This is my father, I think.
Papa Miranda
[extends his hand to the landowner]
Pleased to meet...
Juan Miranda
[slaps it away]
Go inside before Chulo kills everyone, eh? My mother had the blood of the Aztecs, which was before your people! And now I ask you a question: can you make a baby?
[no response]
Juan Miranda
Can you make a baby?
[landowner shakes his head]
Juan Miranda
That's sad. But we will fix that.
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Juan Miranda
[to his sons]
If something happens, and your father doesn't come back, then I pray that the great God in Heaven takes care of you.
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Dr. Villega
[to the revolutionaries]
And now, to our work, friends. I have good news. In two days, Villa and Zapata will attack simultaneously from north and south. We here, like those in other cities, must begin parallel actions of harassment. Pereto's downfall is just a question of weeks...
[Miguel coughs loudly]
Dr. Villega
Whereas Miguel's is only a question of hours if he doesn't stop smoking.
[revolutionaries laugh]
Miguel
Easy to say.
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Mexican Officer
[in Spanish, to an officer who resembles Benito Mussolini]
Huerta abandoning the capital does not give you permission to defect. Traitors like you get shot in the back.
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Landowner on stagecoach
Hey, you. You know who your father was? Hm?
[Juan, playing dumb, shakes his head]
Landowner on stagecoach
Heh. Do you know at least how old you are? Hm?
[Juan shrugs]
Landowner on stagecoach
He doesn't know. Do you know... how many kids you have, eh? Do you know... how many kids your mother had?
[chuckles]
Landowner on stagecoach
He doesn't know anything, you see? And it was to benefit scum like this that the Agrarian Reform was imposed. And that ass Madero wanted to give the government, and *our land*... to idiots like this.
Priest
We are all pawns in the hands of Almighty God. Fortunately, Divine Providence has disposed of that rash individual Madero.
Landowner on stagecoach
My dear Monsignor, let us be realistic. What you choose to call Providence... I call General Huerta. He put the peasants in their place.
Notary on Stagecoach
Which is the best place for animals, because that's what they are... animals.
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Priest
Even animals can be tame and harmless. Personally, I consider them unfortunate brutes.
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John H. Mallory
Who are those people inside?
Juan Miranda
[stepping on the explosive plunger]
You mean, who WERE those people inside?
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John H. Mallory
[interrupting Miranda's babbling]
Oh, jesus christ, will you shut up and go and fix my motorcycle!
Juan Miranda
Okay... okay... . anything you say ... firecracker!
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John H. Mallory
Where there's confusion, a man who know what he wants, stands a good chance of gettin' it.
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