The Stunt Man Movie Quotes
Eli Cross
[after a cameraman says cut because there's only 22 seconds of film left]
In 22 seconds, I could break your fucking spine. In 22 seconds, I could pinch your head off like a fucking insect and spin it all over the fucking pavement. In 22 seconds, I could put 22 bullets inside your ridiculous gut. What I seem unable to do in 22 seconds is to keep you from fucking up my film!
Eli Cross
[after a cameraman says cut because there's only 22 seconds of film left]
In 22 seconds, I could break your fucking spine. In 22 seconds, I could pinch your head off like a fucking insect and spin it all over the fucking pavement. In 22 seconds, I could put 22 bullets inside your ridiculous gut. What I seem unable to do in 22 seconds is to keep you from fucking up my film!
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Eli Cross
[Sam has suggested including a risque artifact in a poignant scene]
You'll get a belly laugh, Sam!
Eli Cross
[Sam has suggested including a risque artifact in a poignant scene]
You'll get a belly laugh, Sam!
Sam
What do you mean? What are you talking about? They'll break their hearts over it!
Eli Cross
No no no, there won't be a dry seat in the house!
Eli Cross
No no no, there won't be a dry seat in the house!
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Cameron
What should I congratulate you for? The fucking scene or for fucking the director?
Nina
[miffed]
For fucking the director, honey. Didn't you know that's how little girls get into the movies?
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Eli Cross
Do you not know that King Kong the first was just three foot six inches tall? He only came up to Faye Wray's belly button! If God could do the tricks that we can do he'd be a happy man!
Eli Cross
Do you not know that King Kong the first was just three foot six inches tall? He only came up to Faye Wray's belly button! If God could do the tricks that we can do he'd be a happy man!
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Eli Cross
It's not what he's eating, but what's eating him that makes it... sort of interesting.
Eli Cross
It's not what he's eating, but what's eating him that makes it... sort of interesting.
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Eli Cross
[after Sam asks why Cross is keeping Cameron on the shoot]
He helps me to understand the young man in the film.
Eli Cross
[after Sam asks why Cross is keeping Cameron on the shoot]
He helps me to understand the young man in the film.
Sam
Bullshit.
Eli Cross
True.
Eli Cross
True.
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Sam
Was she supposed to be a virgin?
Cameron
[softly, after a reflective pause]
Yeah.
Sam
I had a virgin once. I had to fly to Guatemala for her. She was blind in one eye and had a stuffed alligator that said "Welcome to Miami Beach."
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Eli Cross
Oh Burt, stop this worrying. You must have heard surely of movie magic. You should be a stunt man, who is an actor, who is a character in a movie, who is an enemy soldier. Who'll look for you amongst all those? People like to believe in things, and policemen are just people. Or so I'm told. Frankly, our problem is so simple it's almost beneath us. Now listen to me: that door is the looking glass, and inside it is Wonderland. Have faith Alice! Close your eyes and enjoy.
Eli Cross
Oh Burt, stop this worrying. You must have heard surely of movie magic. You should be a stunt man, who is an actor, who is a character in a movie, who is an enemy soldier. Who'll look for you amongst all those? People like to believe in things, and policemen are just people. Or so I'm told. Frankly, our problem is so simple it's almost beneath us. Now listen to me: that door is the looking glass, and inside it is Wonderland. Have faith Alice! Close your eyes and enjoy.
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Eli Cross
I know a man who made an anti-war movie... a good one. When it was shown in his home town, army enlistment went up six hundred percent. I'm trying to convince the world with my movie that there is a reasonable and better way of getting home for Thanksgiving.
Eli Cross
I know a man who made an anti-war movie... a good one. When it was shown in his home town, army enlistment went up six hundred percent. I'm trying to convince the world with my movie that there is a reasonable and better way of getting home for Thanksgiving.
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Eli Cross
How tall is King Kong?
Eli Cross
How tall is King Kong?
Cameron
[shouting]
Three foot six and that's what you're gonna be if you don't pay my thousand dollars!
[Eli laughs]
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Eli Cross
People like to believe in things and policemen are just people. Or so I'm told.
Eli Cross
People like to believe in things and policemen are just people. Or so I'm told.
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Eli Cross
Sam, this picture is my child. What would you say if the studio said your daughter Jennifer would look better with her fingers chopped off?
Eli Cross
Sam, this picture is my child. What would you say if the studio said your daughter Jennifer would look better with her fingers chopped off?
Sam
Well, being an insecure writer, I'd call my agent and get a second opinion.
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Eli Cross
Ah, welcome to the same picture, Sam.
Eli Cross
Ah, welcome to the same picture, Sam.
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Eli Cross
Would you tell the chief of police that Burt here was so busy being brilliant that he wouldn't have noticed sweet Jesus Christ walking across the water.
Eli Cross
Would you tell the chief of police that Burt here was so busy being brilliant that he wouldn't have noticed sweet Jesus Christ walking across the water.
Ace
[mildly]
He wouldn't have noticed.
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Chuck Barton
Done any stuntwork?
Cameron
Not really.
Chuck Barton
Not really? You have or you haven't.
Cameron
I got out of 'Nam in one piece. That's a helluva stunt.
Chuck Barton
Ancient history.
Cameron
Seems like yesterday to me.
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Cameron
[after completing stunt]
That was the hardest thousand dollars I ever earned.
Eli Cross
[Later... Starts to turn away, then turns back]
Thousand dollars? What thousand dollars?
Eli Cross
[Later... Starts to turn away, then turns back]
Thousand dollars? What thousand dollars?
Cameron
[curt]
The stunt.
Eli Cross
The stunt pays six-fifty.
Eli Cross
The stunt pays six-fifty.
Cameron
[angrily]
No. Chuck said the stunt paid a thousand dollars.
Eli Cross
[dismissing him]
Chuck could have promised you the Nobel Prize. The stunt pays six-fifty.
Eli Cross
[dismissing him]
Chuck could have promised you the Nobel Prize. The stunt pays six-fifty.
Cameron
[shouting]
The stunt pays a thousand dollars. Chuck told me. You insulted me again.
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Cameron
If you want to get home for Thanksgiving, you better figure the guy coming at you is trying to kill you. Learned that from the gooks.
Eli Cross
Gooks? That has a nostalgic ring. You really did call them gooks? I thought that was just Time Magazine.
Eli Cross
Gooks? That has a nostalgic ring. You really did call them gooks? I thought that was just Time Magazine.
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Sam
[his madhouse scene having been replaced with a brothel scene]
Eli, do you know that when I read the insane asylum scene to my family, do you know that my oldest son shook my hand for the first time in his whole life? So why is it, Eli, why is it that your vulgar little scene turns out to be so much more moving? So much more impassioned?
Eli Cross
Ah, I don't know, Sam. Possibly because we realize that our friend, the enemy, may just be a poor horny slob, like yourself, falling into the nearest whorehouse.
Eli Cross
Ah, I don't know, Sam. Possibly because we realize that our friend, the enemy, may just be a poor horny slob, like yourself, falling into the nearest whorehouse.
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Eli Cross
If you cooperate, you'll receive a first-class ticket to Amsterdam where you can stick your finger in a dike.
Eli Cross
If you cooperate, you'll receive a first-class ticket to Amsterdam where you can stick your finger in a dike.
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Eli Cross
Nina the actress so fair / Who fancied a man with blond hair. / But Raymond discovers / As he lifts up the covers / That his double - young "Lucky"- is there
Eli Cross
Nina the actress so fair / Who fancied a man with blond hair. / But Raymond discovers / As he lifts up the covers / That his double - young "Lucky"- is there
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Eli Cross
He's a hopeless yo-yo, Jake, but he's not dead... YET!
Eli Cross
He's a hopeless yo-yo, Jake, but he's not dead... YET!
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Cameron
I knew daredevils, and I ain't got nothin' against them, it's just they're all dead.
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Cameron
[after Eli urges him to read how to get out of a sunken car, and avoid Burt's fate of presumed drowning]
Did Burt read this book?
Eli Cross
Offhand, I'd say no.
Eli Cross
Offhand, I'd say no.
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Cameron
Why are you trying to save my ass?
Eli Cross
Because you're almost as crazy as the young man I'm making this film about. Besides, I've fallen madly in love with the dark side of your nature.
Eli Cross
Because you're almost as crazy as the young man I'm making this film about. Besides, I've fallen madly in love with the dark side of your nature.
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Eli Cross
[to Cameron, who has completed the car stunt]
Oh, God. I don't believe it's breathing. There are some days in which I can't do one thing right. I hope this doesn't fuck up our relationship, you being alive and all.
Eli Cross
[to Cameron, who has completed the car stunt]
Oh, God. I don't believe it's breathing. There are some days in which I can't do one thing right. I hope this doesn't fuck up our relationship, you being alive and all.
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[after Nina falls into the ocean, Cameron carries her in his arms back to shore]
Cameron
This is just like in the movies!
Nina
I *am* the movies.
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Sam
My friend, taking my life in my hands, I must inform you that you are an asshole.
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Chuck Barton
You know a good falling horse makes more in 4 minutes than a bank president does in a year?
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Man watching second unit stunt shot
[after corpse-strewn scene turns out to be faked] Great, but why do they always use so much blood? Ruins the realism, don't you think?
Cameron
Asshole.
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Eli Cross
Well, talking of jail, would you be very upset if I asked just how many policemen are after you?
Eli Cross
Well, talking of jail, would you be very upset if I asked just how many policemen are after you?
Cameron
Me? I don't know what you are talking about.
Eli Cross
The way you ran from the bridge, and the look on your face, and your charm bracelet. That's what I'm talking about. I suppose care to tell me what it is that you did?
Eli Cross
The way you ran from the bridge, and the look on your face, and your charm bracelet. That's what I'm talking about. I suppose care to tell me what it is that you did?
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Eli Cross
What an unexpected but delightful shock.
Eli Cross
What an unexpected but delightful shock.
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Chuck Barton
[indicating distance of about 4 feet]
You think you can jump from there to there?
Cameron
[wondering if he's joking]
From there to there?
Chuck Barton
Umm hmm.
Cameron
[before easily jumping the distance]
Okie dokie.
Chuck Barton
Oh, very good... except you're dead. Your brains are scattered all over the pavement. You should land in a tuck and then roll.
Cameron
Show me, Sargeant.
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Eli Cross
I have versions of all sorts. Care to go back and see one? In one version you fly the helicopter and I'm driving the Dusenberg. It's a dilly.
Eli Cross
I have versions of all sorts. Care to go back and see one? In one version you fly the helicopter and I'm driving the Dusenberg. It's a dilly.
Cameron
What about the version where I drive off the bridge and drown in the water?
Eli Cross
What is this? Why would I want to harm you?
Eli Cross
What is this? Why would I want to harm you?
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Eli Cross
[after an effects shot involving a dummy has gone wrong]
It's so awful, it's beautiful. I do wish I could use it.
Eli Cross
[after an effects shot involving a dummy has gone wrong]
It's so awful, it's beautiful. I do wish I could use it.
Sam
That's all we need.
Eli Cross
Well, we need something, Sam, and damn well you know it. Something better.
Eli Cross
Well, we need something, Sam, and damn well you know it. Something better.
Sam
Better? How better?
Eli Cross
Something less boring. Something crazier.
Eli Cross
Something less boring. Something crazier.
Sam
A dead man's boots are dropped over his own airfield out of chivalry. That's not crazy enough for you, huh?
Eli Cross
They did it in a film called "Wings." Even the dummy was bored.
Eli Cross
They did it in a film called "Wings." Even the dummy was bored.
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Sam
What's wrong, Eli?
Eli Cross
Wrong? The scene's wrong. That's what's wrong.
Eli Cross
Wrong? The scene's wrong. That's what's wrong.
Sam
The scene plays like a dream. Plays like "Marat/Sade."
Eli Cross
It was shit.
Eli Cross
It was shit.
Sam
Shit? Shit, huh? Who was that that called me on the phone when he first read it, woke me up in the middle of the goddamn night, raving about the magical madhouse scene? Who was that? My upstairs maid, Eli?
Eli Cross
Still shit.
Eli Cross
Still shit.
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Cameron
[after demonstrating a leap for Chuck]
My specialty's the broad jump.
Chuck Barton
[angrily]
And Burt's specialty was drowning!
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Cop #1
[as Cameron plays a pinball machine]
You're gonna win.
Cameron
Win what?
Cop #1
A free game.
Cameron
[bitterly]
Just what I need, one more chance to lose.
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Eli Cross
Now don't be hasty and remember your arse. It's just like mine. Maybe I can save it for you.
Eli Cross
Now don't be hasty and remember your arse. It's just like mine. Maybe I can save it for you.
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Chuck Barton
Your mind can't be on snatch. It's gotta be on grabbing that gutter.
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Chuck Barton
You know, one daredevil on this picture was enough! The hell is Eli thinking? Sending me a smartass, cocky, amateur kid when I need a stuntman! A little different when you're running across those roofs and they're pumping tracer bullets over your head.
Cameron
I was running for 26 months with guys shooting *at* my head, not over my head. I'm here. I'm alive. I knew daredevils, and I ain't got nothing against 'em, it's just they're all dead. So how about giving me break! You putting me on? Huh?
Chuck Barton
Me? I wouldn't know how to do that.
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Police Chief Jake
Hey Bert, it's amazing you're still alive, considering who you are working for.
Eli Cross
Come on Bert. We've time to kill you yet.
Eli Cross
Come on Bert. We've time to kill you yet.
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