Sean SmithMm-hmm. Not some, like, tight-ass Middlesex chick, you know? Like, this cute little blonde that will get down and dirty with the guys. Like Smurfette does.
Sean SmithThat's bullshit. Smurfette fucks all the other Smurfs. Why do you think Papa Smurf made her? Because all the other Smurfs were getting too horny.
Ronald FisherNo, no, no, not Vanity. I heard he was a homosexual.
Sean SmithOkay, well, you know what? Then she fucks them while Vanity watches. Okay?
Ronald FisherWhat about Papa Smurf? I mean, he must get in on all the action.
Sean SmithYeah, what he does, he films the gang-bang. Later on, he beats off to the tape.
Donnie[matter-of-factly]First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village. But the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario - It just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have reproductive organs under those little white pants. That's what's so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. What's the point of living... if you don't have a dick?
Ronald Fisher[pause]Damn it, Donnie. Why do you gotta get so smart on us?
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GretchenMy mom had to get a restraining order against my stepdad. He has emotional problems.
DonnieOh, I have those, too. What kind of emotional problems does your dad have?
GretchenHe stabbed my mom four times in the chest.
DonnieWell, life isn't that simple. I mean, who cares if Ling Ling returns the wallet and keeps the money? It has nothing to do with either fear or love.
Kitty FarmerFear and love are the deepest of human emotions.
DonnieOkay. But you're not listening to me. There are other things that need to be taken into account here, like the whole spectrum of human emotion. You can't just lump everything into these two categories and then just deny everything else.
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Dr. Lilian ThurmanDonnie. An atheist is someone who denies altogether the existence of God. You're an agnostic. An agnostic is someone who believes that there can be no proof of the existence of God, but does not deny a possibility that God exists.
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Kitty FarmerSometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.
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Dr. Lilian ThurmanDo you feel alone right now?
DonnieOh, I don't know. I mean, I'd like to believe I'm not, but I just... I've just never seen any proof, so I... I just don't debate it anymore, you know? It's like I could spend my whole life debating it over and over again, weighing the pros and cons. And in the end, I still wouldn't have any proof. So I just... I just don't debate it anymore. It's absurd.
Karen PommeroyThis famous linguist once said that of all the phrases in the English language, of all the endless combinations of words in all of history, that "cellar door" is the most beautiful.
DonnieWhy should I mourn for a rabbit like it was human?
Karen PommeroyAre you saying that the death of one species is less tragic than another?
DonnieOf course. The rabbit's not like us. It has no history books, no photographs, no knowledge of sorrow or regret. I mean, I'm sorry, Miss Pommeroy. Don't get me wrong. You know, I like rabbits and all. They're cute and they're horny. And if you're cute and you're horny, then you're probably happy that you don't know who you are or why you're even alive. You just wanna have sex as many times as possible before you die. I just don't see the point in crying over a dead rabbit, you know, who never even feared death to begin with.
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Sean Smith[at the bus stop]That's some good shit, huh?
Jim CunninghamDo you see the fear, people? This boy is scared to death of the truth. Son, it breaks my heart to say this, but I believe you are a very troubled and confused young man. I believe you are searching for the answers in all the wrong places.
DonnieYou're right, actually. I am pretty... I'm pretty troubled and I'm pretty confused, but I... And I'm afraid. Really, really afraid. Really afraid. But I-I think you're the fucking Antichrist.
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Donnie[in a letter]Dear Roberta Sparrow, I have reached the end of your book and there are so many things that I need to ask you. Sometimes I'm afraid of what you might tell me. Sometimes I'm afraid that you'll tell me that this is not a work of fiction. I can only hope that the answers will come to me in my sleep. I hope that when the world comes to an end, I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.
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GretchenAnd what if you could go back in time and take all those hours of pain and darkness and replace them with something better?
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Dr. Lilian ThurmanDo you still think about girls a lot?
DonnieOh, please, tell me, Elizabeth, how exactly does one suck a fuck?
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Edward DarkoI-I know I'm not the best communicator, but... whatever happens to you, be honest, tell the truth, even if they do look at you funny. They will. But what you gotta understand, Son, is that almost all of those people are full of shit.
[laughs]
Edward DarkoThey're all part of this great big conspiracy of bullshit. And they're scared of people like you, because those bullshitters know that you're smarter than all of them. You know what you say to people like that? Hmm? "Fuck you."
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Donnie[reading poem in class]"'A storm is coming,' Frank says. 'A storm that will swallow the children. And I will deliver them from the kingdom of Bane. I'll deliver the children back to their doorsteps. I'll send the monsters back to the underground. I'll send them back to a place where no one else can see them except for me, 'cause I am Donnie Darko.'"
Principal ColeDonald, let me preface this by saying that your Iowa test scores are... intimidating. So... let's go over this again. What exactly did you say to Ms. Farmer?
Kitty Farmer[loudly interjecting]I'll tell you what he said! He asked me to forcibly insert the lifeline exercise card into my anus!
[Eddie snickers, then coughs to cover it up]
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Donnie[to Pommeroy, about the Graham Greene story]Well, they say it right when they flood the house, and they tear it to shreds that, like, uh, destruction is a form of creation. So the fact that they burn the money is ironic. They just want to see what happens when they tear the world apart. They want to change things.
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Roberta Sparrow[whispering into Donnie's ear]Every creature on this Earth dies alone.
DonnieEvery living thing follows along a set path. And if you could see your path or channel, then you could see into the future, right? Like, uh... It's a form of time travel.
Prof. Kenneth MonnitoffWell, you're-you're contradicting yourself there, Donnie. If we were able to see our destinies manifest themselves visually, then we would be given a choice to betray our chosen destinies. And the mere fact that this choice exists would make all preformed destiny, uh, come to an end.
[At the school assembly speaking out against Jim Cunningham]
DonnieYou want your sister to lose weight? Tell her to get off the couch, stop eating Twinkies and maybe go out for field hockey. You know what? No one ever knows what they want to be when they grow up. You know, it takes a little, little while to find that out. Right, Jim? And you. Yeah, you. Sick of some jerk shoving your head down the toilet? Well, you know what? Maybe you should lift some weights or take a karate lesson. And the next time he tries to do it, you kick him in the balls.
Prof. Kenneth MonnitoffAnd did you stop and think that maybe infants need darkness? That maybe darkness is part of their natural environment?
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FrankWake up.
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Karen Pommeroy[to Principal Cole]I don't think that you have a clue what it's like to communicate with these kids. And we are losing them to apathy, to this prescribed nonsense. They are slipping away.
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[to Cherita Chen]
DonnieI promise that one day, everything's gonna be better for you.
DonnieI was in jail once. I mean I accidentally burned down this house. It was abandoned, but still, I got held back in school and I can't drive until I'm 21. But I'm over all of that. I... I... I'm painting and stuff. Writing. I want to be a writer, or maybe a painter, I don't know, or maybe both. I'll write a book and draw the pictures. Then maybe people will understand me. I don't know, change things.
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Kitty FarmerRose, I'm sure that you're aware of the horrible allegations against Jim Cunningham.
Rose DarkoI know. I saw it on TV. Something about a "kiddie porn dungeon."
Kitty FarmerPlease, please! Don't use those words! It's obviously some kind of conspiracy to destroy an innocent man. And I have taken it upon myself to spearhead the Jim Cunningham defense campaign.
Kitty Farmer[pleading]Rose, I have to appear at his arraignment tomorrow morning. And as you know, the girls are scheduled to leave for Los Angeles in the morning. Now, as their coach, I was the obvious choice to chaperone them on their trip, but...
Rose Darko[feigning concern]But now, you can't go.
Kitty FarmerNow, believe me, of all the other mothers, I would never dream of asking you. But none of the other mothers are available to go.
Rose DarkoI don't know, Kitty. It's a bad weekend. Eddie's in New York.
Kitty Farmer[tearfully]Rose! I don't know if you realize what an opportunity this is for our daughters! This has been a dream of Samantha's and all of ours for a long time! I made her lead dancer! Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.
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Donnie[discussing his parents]They didn't buy me what I wanted for Christmas.
Dr. Lilian ThurmanWhat did you want for Christmas that year?
Jim CunninghamNow, I'm going to tell you a little story today. It's a heartbreakingly sad story about a young man whose life was completely destroyed by these instruments of fear. A young man, searching for love in all the wrong places. His name was Frank.
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Elizabeth[Elizabeth talking on the phone]Do you remember that weird gym teacher Mrs Farmer? - Yeah okay, well my brother told her to go shove a book up her ass today. And then my parents bought him all this new shit. - Yeah, I know. I wish a jet engine would fall on my room.
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FrankI've been watching you.
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DonnieI have to obey him. He saved my life. I have to obey him, or I'll be left all alone. And then... And then I won't be able to figure out what this is all about. I won't be able to know his master plan.
Dr. Lilian ThurmanDo you mean *God's* master plan? Do you now believe in God?
Kitty FarmerOkay, now, girls, I want you to concentrate. Failure is not an option. And, Bethany, if you feel the need to vomit up there, just swallow it.
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FrankDon't worry. You got away with it.
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Dr. Lilian ThurmanHas he ever told you about his friend Frank?
DonnieSo, what do I tell the other kids when they ask about you?
Karen PommeroyTell them that everything is gonna be just fine.
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Karen Pommeroy[reading "The Destructors"]"It was as though this plan had been with him all his life, pondered through the seasons, now in his 15th year crystallized with the pain of puberty."
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FrankI want you to watch the movie screen. There's something I want to show you.
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Kitty FarmerDr. Cole, not only am I a teacher, but I am also a parent of a Middlesex child. Therefore, I am the only person here who transcends the parent-teacher bridge.
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Donnie[reading lifeline card]"Ling Ling finds a wallet on the ground filled with money. She takes the wallet to the address on the driver's license but keeps the money inside the wallet."
[Scoffs]
DonnieI'm... I'm sorry, Mrs. Farmer. I don't get this.
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Edward Darko[quietly reminiscing]Frankie Fiedler. You remember. From high school.
Edward DarkoOn his way to the prom. They said he was doomed. Jesus. They could be saying the same thing about Donnie. Our Donnie. But he dodged it. He dodged his bullet, Rose. Somebody was watching over him.
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FrankWhat were you guys doing in the middle of the road, huh? What are you thinking?
Dr. Lilian ThurmanIf this world were to end, there would only be you and him... and no one else.
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[Pommeroy is reading to the class from the 1954 short story "The Destructors" by Graham Greene]
Karen Pommeroy"There would be headlines in the papers. Even the grown-up gangs who ran the betting at the all-in wrestling and the Barrow Boys would hear with respect of how Old Misery's house had been destroyed. It was as though this plan had been with him all his life, pondered through the seasons, now in his 15th year crystallized with the pain of puberty." What is Graham Greene trying to communicate with this passage? Why did the children break into Old Misery's House? Joanie?
Joanie JamesThey wanted to rob him.
Karen PommeroyJoanie, if you had actually read the short story, which, at a whopping 13 pages, would have kept you up all night, you would know that the children find a great deal of money in the mattress, but they burn it.
Edward Darko[gets up in the middle of the night, turns on the TV and sees footage of Michael Dukakis debating George H. W. Bush]Dukakis. Son of a bitch.
[Bush delivers his response to Dukakis]
Edward DarkoTell him, George.
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DonnieThat's what's so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. What's the point of living... if you don't have a dick?
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Kitty Farmer[to Karen Pomeroy]Excuse me. You need to go back to grad school.