The Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear Movie Quotes
Lt. Frank Drebin
That's the red light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging out down there.
Captain Ed Hocken
Sex, Frank?
Lt. Frank Drebin
Uh... no, not right now, Ed. We've got work to do.
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Waiter
Telephone call, commissioner.
Commissioner Anabell Brumford
Thank you.
[picks up phone]
Commissioner Anabell Brumford
Hello?... He did what?... How many animals escaped?... Oh, my God...
Lt. Frank Drebin
Good evening, commissioner. You're looking lovely tonight.
Commissioner Anabell Brumford
Do you realize that because of you this city is being overrun by baboons?
Lt. Frank Drebin
Well, isn't that the fault of the voters?
[Frank walks away, leaving Commissioner Brumford with an astonished face]
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Lt. Frank Drebin
Now, Jane, what can you tell us about the man you saw last night?
Jane Spencer
He's Caucasian.
Ed Hocken
Caucasian?
Jane Spencer
Yeah, you know, a white guy. A moustache. About six-foot-three.
Lt. Frank Drebin
Awfully big moustache.
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Lt. Frank Drebin
Miss, I'm Lt. Frank Drebin, and this is Captain Ed Hocken, Police Squad.
Busty Female Shop Assistant
Is this some kind of bust?
Lt. Frank Drebin
Well... it's very impressive, yes, but we need to ask you a few questions.
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Lt. Frank Drebin
Oh, it's all right. I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr... Poopy Pants?
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Lt. Frank Drebin
[12:01]
[describing Jane; voice-over]
Lt. Frank Drebin
I couldn't believe it was her. It was like a dream. But there she was, just as I remembered her. That delicately beautiful face. And a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seemed to say... "Hey! Look at these!" She was the kind of woman who made you want to drop to your knees and thank God you were a man! She reminded me of my mother, all right. No doubt about it.
Ed Hocken
Frank, snap out of it! You're looking at her like she was your mother for Christ's sake!
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Quentin Hapsburg
Any final requests, Lieutenant?
Lt. Frank Drebin
Er, yes... Can I have the gun?
Quentin Hapsburg
Ohh no! I'm not going to fall for that one!
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President George Bush
Frank, I'd like you to consider filling a special post I'm gonna create. It may mean long hours, dangerous nights, and being surrounded by some of the scummiest elements in our society.
Lt. Frank Drebin
You want me to be in your cabinet?
President George Bush
No. No! I want you to head up a new federal bureau of Police Squad.
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Commissioner Anabell Brumford
Ladies and gentlemen, I would now like to introduce a most special American. Tonight, he is being honoured for his 1000th drug-dealer killed.
Lt. Frank Drebin
[to applause]
Thank you. But, in all honesty, the last three I backed over with my car. Luckily, they turned out to be drug-dealers.
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Lt. Frank Drebin
I'm single! I love being single! I haven't had this much sex since I was a Boy Scout leader!
[Music stops playing. Everyone stops talking and stares at him]
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Lt. Frank Drebin
Congratulations, Ed! I hear Edna's pregnant again.
Ed Hocken
Yeah, and when I find the guy that did it...
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[Lt. Frank Drebin and Ed Hocken are in a sex shop making inquiries]
Lt. Frank Drebin
We're looking for Hector Savage. Where is he?
Busty Female Shop Assistant
Why should I tell you, copper?
Lt. Frank Drebin
Because I'm the last line of defense between sleaze like this and the decent people of this town.
[a male shop assistant walks in from a back storeroom]
Sex Shop Assistant
Oh, hi, Frank. Say, we finally got that model D83 Swedish sure-grip suck machine that you ordered.
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Banquet Doorman
Your coat, sir?
Lt. Frank Drebin
Yes, it is. And I have a receipt to prove it.
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Lt. Frank Drebin
Hector Savage. From Detroit. Ex-boxer. His real name was Joey Chicago.
Ed Hocken
Oh, yeah. He fought under the name of Kid Minneapolis.
Nordberg
I saw Kid Minneapolis fight once. In Cincinnati.
Lt. Frank Drebin
No you're thinking of Kid New York. He fought out of Philly.
Ed Hocken
He was killed in the ring in Houston. By Tex Colorado. You know, the Arizona Assassin.
Nordberg
Yeah, from Dakota. I don't remember it was North or South.
Lt. Frank Drebin
North. South Dakota was his brother. From West Virginia.
Ed Hocken
You sure know your boxing.
Lt. Frank Drebin
All I know is never bet on the white guy.
[Nordberg nods in agreement]
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[at a bar]
Jane Spencer
Sam, would you play our song, just one more time?
Sam
Of course... DING DONG! The witch is dead! Which old witch? The wicked witch!
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[Drebin is suspicious about Dr. Meinheimer]
Lt. Frank Drebin
Have you noticed anything different about him?
Jane Spencer
Well, only that he's a foot taller, and he seems to be left handed now... Frank, what are you trying to tell me? That Quentin has somehow found an exact double for Dr. Meinheimer and that tomorrow that double will give a fraudulent report to the President?
Lt. Frank Drebin
Why, that's brilliant. That's a lot better than what I came up with.
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Terence Baggett
[sniffs]
What's that smell?
Lt. Frank Drebin
Oh, that would be me. I've been swimming in raw sewage. I love it.
[louder]
Lt. Frank Drebin
I love it!
Ed Hocken
[in a van, listening to Drebin]
That's the signal, let's go!
[Hocken and his men try to open the van's back doors but they can't because it's been parked right next to a telephone pole]
Quentin Hapsburg
Search him.
[a henchman starts patting Drebin down]
Lt. Frank Drebin
I love it!
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[after the explosion, Frank sees two bodies on the verge of death; he confronts one]
Lt. Frank Drebin
All right. Where is Hapsburg?
Explosion Thug #1
[groans in pain]
Lt. Frank Drebin
Where were you hit?
Explosion Thug #1
It's not that. You're on my groin!
Explosion Thug #1
You're too late. Hapsburg has plan "B" in... In... In...
[dies before he continues]
Lt. Frank Drebin
Where? Where?
[drops the first thug]
Lt. Frank Drebin
All right. Who else is almost dead?
Explosion Thug #2
[raises his hand]
Lt. Frank Drebin
Okay, now.
[grabs the 2nd thug]
Lt. Frank Drebin
Talk!
Explosion Thug #2
You're too late, Drebin.
Lt. Frank Drebin
He already said that.
Explosion Thug #2
Where did he leave off?
Lt. Frank Drebin
Uh, "Hapsburg has plan "B" in...".
Explosion Thug #2
Oh, yeah. Hapsburg has plan "B" in... In...
Lt. Frank Drebin
Where? Where? Talk, you low-life scum!
Explosion Thug #2
Gee. If that's your attitude, forget it!
[he chokes and dies]
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Ed Hocken
[hands him a book called "Strokin' The Love Muffin"]
Here! Read this, it's an emergency.
Dr. Meinheimer
[starts reading]
"His strong manly hands probed every crevice of her silken femininity, their undulating bodies writhing in sensual rhythm, as he thrust his purple-headed warrior into her quivering mound of love pudding."
[audience slowly wakes up]
Nordberg
All right, listen up everyone! I want you to calmly file towards the exits. That's it, that's it! Nobody runs, just walk. Single file. That's it. Now if we just stay calm, no one's gonna be harmed by the huge bomb that's gonna explode any minute.
[audience panics and runs everywhere]
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Lt. Frank Drebin
This is Frank Drebin, Police Squad. Throw down your guns, and come on out with your hands up. Or come on out, then throw down your guns, whichever way you wanna do it. Just remember the two key elements here: one, guns to be thrown down; two, come on out!
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[at the end of the title sequence with the red light on the roof of a police car, it is shown pulling over a Rolls-Royce. Zsa Zsa Gabor gets out, walks up to it and slaps it]
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Ach, this happens every fucking time when I go shopping!
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Waiter
Sir?
Lt. Frank Drebin
Gimme the strongest thing you got.
[Waiter brings over a greased-up muscle man. Drebin flounders]
Lt. Frank Drebin
Uh... on second thought, how about a black Russian?
Waiter
Very well sir.
[raises eyebrow, looks at camera, shakes head and walks off]
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Dr. Meinheimer
It's a terrible thing that's happened here, Lieutenant. I do hope you will find the people responsible.
Lt. Frank Drebin
I'm sorry I can't be more optimistic, Doctor, but we've got a long road ahead of us. It's like having sex. It's a painstaking and arduous task that seems to go on and on forever, and just when you think things are going your way, nothing happens.
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Lt. Frank Drebin
You know, sometimes I envy you and Edna. You have the same person every day for over 30 years. You wake up, eat with her, sleep with her. Make love to the same woman.
[Ed looks increasingly disgusted as Frank goes on]
Lt. Frank Drebin
You spend every possible waking moment together, while I'm out running around with a bunch of 20-year-olds who only want a good time and cheap sex sex sex. Girls who can't say no. Girls who can't get enough. "More, more, more. It's your turn now to wear the handcuffs... "
[Ed starts foaming at the mouth... literally]
Lt. Frank Drebin
I just want love, Ed.
Ed Hocken
I'm sure you'll... find love, Frank.
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Lt. Frank Drebin
Go ahead, threaten me like you have the American people for so long! You're part of a dying breed, Hapsburg, like people who can name all fifty states! The truth hurts, doesn't it, Hapsburg? Oh sure, maybe not as much as landing on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts!
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[pause]
Lt. Frank Drebin
What's he doing in Detroit?
[pause]
Lt. Frank Drebin
Well, send him plane fare and a new pair of pants.
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Quentin Hapsburg
Do you gamble?
Lt. Frank Drebin
Every time I order out.
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Dr. Meinheimer
You're thinking about him again, aren't you? What was his name? Frank?
Jane Spencer
Yes.
Dr. Meinheimer
You just can't forget him, can you?
Jane Spencer
Who?
Dr. Meinheimer
Frank!
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Quentin Hapsburg
I don't recall seeing your name on the guest list.
Lt. Frank Drebin
Nothing to be embarrassed about. I sometimes go by my maiden name.
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Waiter
It's from the lady.
[Frank looks up. Jane waves at him from across the room]
Ed Hocken
[Frank looks reluctant]
Go to her, Frank. Go onnn. I'll see you in the morning.
Lt. Frank Drebin
[Sitting down again after making his way across the room]
This is not easy for me to say. I'm lonely, I'm lost, I just want someone to hold, to love.
[Frank looks up and discovers that the table occupied by a man. The man looks at him tersely]
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[Frank meets Jane after a long time]
Lt. Frank Drebin
How are the children?
Jane Spencer
We didn't have any children.
Lt. Frank Drebin
Yes, of course.
Jane Spencer
How was your prostate operation?
Lt. Frank Drebin
Oh, good. Fine. Never been better.
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Ted Olsen
I'll be departing tomorrow for Boston where I'll be delivering a major address to the American Arhaeological society. And I'm booked on Geraldo next week
Lt. Frank Drebin
You're going on Geraldo because of this?
Ted Olsen
No. My wife is a transsexual Satan worshiper.
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Quentin Hapsburg
We'll be at the reception. Make sure nothing happens to him while I'm gone. Then, I want the pleasure of killing you myself.
Lt. Frank Drebin
The pleasure is all mine.
[Hapsburg nods, then frowns]
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Ed Hocken
[as Savage is surrounded]
All right, Savage! What do you want?
Hector Savage
I want a car out front! Something fun. A Porsche! Then I want a plane ticket to Jamaica. And I want a nice hotel. No touristy place. Something really indicative of the people and their culture.
Ed Hocken
Can't do that, Savage! We're calling your bluff! Now put your hands on top of your head and come out!
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Jane Spencer
I feel like such a fool. I should have never doubted you.
Lt. Frank Drebin
There, there. You had no way of knowing the man you were dating was a vicious, murdering sociopath.
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Lt. Frank Drebin
Looks like the cows have come home to roost.
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President George Bush
1000 points light... recession bad, recovery good... I think I got that.
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Quentin Hapsburg
Jane and I have seen each other a lot lately. How's my little hell-cat?
Lt. Frank Drebin
Well, that's great. I've been dating too - a nice girl, an author. She wrote the book on male sexual dysfunction. You probably read her.
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Lt. Frank Drebin
[making a speech at a ceremony where he is being congratulated by President George H. W. Bush]
Now, I want to be known as the environmental police Lieutenant. I want a world where Frank Junior and all the Frank Juniors can sit under a shade tree, breathe the air, swim in the ocean, and go into a 7-Eleven without an interpreter.
[the audience starts clapping]
Lt. Frank Drebin
I want a world where I can eat a sea otter without getting sick! I want a world where the Democrats will put somebody up there worth voting for!
Lt. Frank Drebin
[the audience cheers and claps louder. George and Barbara Bush are shown clapping and then awkwardly stopping when they realise what he's just said]
I may not get there with ya! But most of all, I want a world where I can wake up each morning with this woman, whom I love.
[embraces and kisses Mrs. Bush, mistaking her for Jane]
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Quentin Hapsburg
Que sera sera... You do speak French, don't you?
Lt. Frank Drebin
Unfortunately no, but I do kiss that way.
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[Lt. Frank Drebin making a speech at the White House]
Lt. Frank Drebin
...blowing away a fleeing suspect with my 44 magnum used to mean everything to me, I enjoyed it, well who wouldn't?
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Jane Spencer
Oh, Frank, we were no good together. All you ever lived for was your police work.
Lt. Frank Drebin
And you were always busy trying to save the end zone layer.
Jane Spencer
Ozone layer. Frank, you never tried to understand.
Lt. Frank Drebin
How can you say that? I sank every penny I had into buying that 1,000 acres of Brazilian rainforest. Then I had it slashed and burned so we could build our dream house.
Jane Spencer
Frank! How could you be so insensitive?
Lt. Frank Drebin
Insensitive? You think it's easy displacing an entire tribe? You try it sometime.
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Lt. Frank Drebin
Before tonight? Only the cable company.
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Ed Hocken
Well, just one. A woman. She saw a man leaving just before the explosion. Maybe we should let Nordberg handle this one.
Lt. Frank Drebin
No, I'd better do it while it's still fresh.
Ed Hocken
Well, not now, Frank. She fainted dead away. She took a nasty knock on the head. She looks pretty bad.
Lt. Frank Drebin
I'll handle it.
[approaching a Quasimodo-ish humpbacked woman]
Lt. Frank Drebin
Excuse me, miss. I'd like to ask you a few questions.
Ed Hocken
Uh, Frank, not that bad.
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Lt. Frank Drebin
Dr. Meinheimer.
Earl Hacker
Yes?
Lt. Frank Drebin
Or should I say, Hacker!
[Frank rips off his fake mustache]
Earl Hacker
Drebin!
[Hacker gets up from his wheelchair and tries to attack Drebin, but Drebin punches him in the gut and he falls back into his wheelchair. Drebin starts punching him in the face repeatedly]
Hey, look what he's doing to that man in the wheelchair!
[watching]
Oh! Look what he's doing to that man in the wheelchair! Can't someone help?
'Yeah!'
Yeah!
Let's get him.
Come on, guys! Let's get him!
[a group of men pull Drebin away from Meinheimer and start punching him]
Let's get him.
Beat up a guy in a wheelchair, huh?
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Commissioner Anabell Brumford
Ladies and gentlemen, we would now like to draw the first Door Prize of the evening - an all-expenses-paid trip to the Gilligan Islands!
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Hey Ken, Al! Look what I found.
[finding a bomb in a trash can]
Hey, Al, Ken, look at this. I found this in the wastebasket.
Hey, that's a pretty nice clock.
Hey, that's a pretty nice clock. Wonder why they threw it out.
It's 4 minutes too slow.
[checking his wristwatch]
It's probably because it's four minutes too slow. Here, let me fix it.
[setting it to the right time]
It's 4 minutes too slow.
There.
[it detonates]
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Chief of Staff John Sununu
Thank you. Mr. President, tonight I am extremely proud to welcome our distinguished guests from the nation's energy suppliers. From the coal industry, chairman of the Society for More Coal Energy, or "SMOCE", Mr. Terence Baggett. Representing the oil industry, head of the Society of Petroleum Industry Leaders, better known as "SPIL", Mr. Donald Fenswick...
Donald Fenswick
[to applause]
Thank you, thank you very much.
Chief of Staff John Sununu
And from the nuclear industry, president of the Key Atomic Benefits Office of Mankind - "KABOOM", Mr. Arthur Dunwell.
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Jane Spencer
Look, Frank, I-I... I know this is awkward, but you're not still obsessed with our relationship, are you?
Lt. Frank Drebin
Obsessed? Who's obsessed? Just because you backed out of the wedding two years ago? I've forgotten all about it. It's ancient history, like the Democratic Party.
Ed Hocken
Frank?
Lt. Frank Drebin
He was in tears in church. Crying like a baby.
Ed Hocken
Uh, Frank, get a hold of yourself.
Lt. Frank Drebin
I had to return 13 Cuisinarts.
Ed Hocken
That's enough, Frank, really.
Lt. Frank Drebin
Kept the salad shooter, though.
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Lt. Frank Drebin
You can't let old hurts die, can you? You walk out of my life, no explanation.
Jane Spencer
Didn't you get the letters I sent you?
Lt. Frank Drebin
Every one of them. Didn't open them. Tore them up. Threw them in the fire.
Jane Spencer
Then you didn't get the check for 75,000 that your uncle left you in his will?
Jane Spencer
I remembered something about the crime. As I was looking out the window, I saw a red van parked across the street.
Lt. Frank Drebin
Red van. Well, thank you. That'll be very helpful. So, you said your piece. You can go now, right?
Jane Spencer
That's not my only reason for being here. Frank, I want us to be friends.
Lt. Frank Drebin
Sure, friends. Bet if I dusted you for prints right now, there'd be your lover boy Quentin Hapsburg's.
Jane Spencer
Oh, you...!
Lt. Frank Drebin
[catching her hand as she moves to slap him]
Well, I see a certain kitten still knows how to scratch.
[he catches her other hand, too; a third hand inexplicable pops up from nowhere and slaps him]
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Ed Hocken
There is a fraud in this room, but it's this man.
[Nordberg leads the restrained Hacker on stage]
Ed Hocken
And he's just given us this signed confession implicating that man!
[a number of men in the audience stand and draw guns, grabbing women as hostages]
Ed Hocken
No, no. No. *That* man: Quentin Hapsburg.
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Captain Ed Hocken
[staking out one of Hapsburg's warehouses]
Frank, I'm telling you, we've got no business doing this. All we've got is some dock pass and your hunch.
Lt. Frank Drebin
You mark my words, Ed, that Hapsburg is up to something, right up to his pretty, imported shirt collar.
[getting into a scuba wetsuit]
Lt. Frank Drebin
Couldn't have picked a better day for it. This fog'll keep us concealed all the way over to Hapsburg's warehouse.
Captain Ed Hocken
That's not fog, Frank. The number two engine's on fire. They're trying to put it out.
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Barbecue Dad
Y'know, someday, way in the future, the sun may be able to provide all our energy needs. But right now, it gives us a comfortable feeling to know that our home is being supplied by nuclear power.
[numerous power plant cooling towers are seen in the background]
Barbecue Dad
Oh, I know what you're thinking. But we're not worried, because we know that nuclear energy is safe. In fact, we kind of think of it as "our friendly neighbor".
[the family dog hops into view, sporting two wagging tails]
Barbecue Dad
But remember, our friend can't exist without huge government subsidies, so write your congressman and tell them to keep those government dollars rolling into... nuclear power.
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Quentin Hapsburg
I wouldn't know.
Lt. Frank Drebin
He's been a bad boy. He blew up a building he shouldn't have, and he's driving a van that's registered in your name.
Quentin Hapsburg
We own lots of vans. One of them was stolen not more than three days ago. Look, Lieutenant, I have nothing to hide.
Lt. Frank Drebin
Maybe so, but I'm warning you, Hapsburg, you so much as sneeze and I'm gonna be there to wipe your nose.
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Captain Ed Hocken
[disguised as a mariachi band]
Frank, I think we'd better make our move.
Lt. Frank Drebin
You're right, Ed. I'm thinking of something a little more up-tempo, like "Guantanamera."
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Quentin Hapsburg
I believe you were inquiring about "plan B." That's where we detonate a small nuclear device. Your Dr. Meinheimer can talk all he wants to. No one's gonna be left alive to hear it.
[activating the bomb]
Quentin Hapsburg
I'm the only one who knows the abort code. In exactly ten minutes, this building and everyone in it will be reduced to a pile of rubble. I'll be safely on my helicopter. By this time tomorrow, I'll be hunting rhino in Botswana. What do you think of that, Drebin?
Lt. Frank Drebin
Well, you certainly seem to be in touch with your anger.
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Lt. Frank Drebin
[Frank, Ed, and Nordberg are staking out Hapsburg's hideout.Frank is communicating with Ed Hocken by way of a walkie talkie]
Ed, I'm gonna try the roof.
Lt. Frank Drebin
[after unsuccessfully attempting to scale the roof with a grappling hook]
Ed, I'm gonna try it again.
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Lt. Frank Drebin
[narrating]
My name is Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant, Police Squad. I was in the middle of getting my car washed when I heard the call over the police scanner.
[a carwash attendant is on the top of his sudsy car, clinging for dear life]
Lt. Frank Drebin
There'd been a bombing downtown. And I was on my way to advise the D.C. police as part of the president's Operation: Scum Roundup. As far as police work is concerned, every once in a while, something comes up that nothing quite prepares you for. Somehow, some demented madman, probably full of self-hate, and possibly a couple of months behind in his rent, finally snapped.
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Nordberg
They just finished searching the building. Now, there's no sign of a break-in and there's no money missing.
Ed Hocken
Huh.
Nordberg
Man, this was one hell of an explosion. Still trying to figure out what they used.
Lt. Frank Drebin
Any other victims?
Ed Hocken
Uh, you're standing on one right now, Frank.
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Lt. Frank Drebin
Real nice party, Hapsburg... I see a lot of familiar face-lifts.
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Ed Hocken
Now, Jane, about this man you saw last night... anything can help.
Jane Spencer
Yes, I-I gave the sketch artist a description.
[showing the sketch to Ed]
Lt. Frank Drebin
Why don't we get that other artist, you know, the one who never dates? Lives with those two guys?
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Ed Hocken
You're still thinking about Jane, aren't you?
Lt. Frank Drebin
She's part of my life, Ed. Always will be. I think about her constantly. But it's done. Minute I heard her say "get out of my life forever," I knew it was over.
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Jane Spencer
Frank, what are you doing here?
Lt. Frank Drebin
I enjoy a good party.
Jane Spencer
Why are you really here, Frank?
Lt. Frank Drebin
I can sum that up in three words: Quentin Hapsburg. I never liked him from the moment I laid eyes on him. The man is as dirty as a coalminer's underwear in January.
Jane Spencer
Oh, Frank, what's gotten into you? He's a kind, gentle, concerned man who cares about people and is not as suspicious as some people I know.
Lt. Frank Drebin
Oh, yeah? Why don't you ask him what his connection is with the red van you saw the night of the explosion?
Jane Spencer
I don't know what you're talking about.
Lt. Frank Drebin
Well, why don't you ask him if he's pals with a two-bit goon named Hector Savage?
Jane Spencer
Frank, stop it! You're just jealous because another man can give me the understanding that you never could.
Lt. Frank Drebin
I just hope your pal Quentin is watching right now, 'cause I know he'll be jealous.
[shaking her in a humorously-exaggerated violent manner]
Lt. Frank Drebin
And a jealous man always makes the wrong moves. I'm counting on that.
[spinning her, he accidentally tears the skirt of her dress off]
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[Lt. Frank Drebin and Jane Spencer are standing next to a nuclear bomb which is about to explode]
Jane Spencer
Frank, if you're going to be blown to bits, I want to be here with you.
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Chief of Staff John Sununu
I don't think there'll be any surprises in Dr. Meinheimer's address. He'll most likely recommend the President continue our policy of oil dependency and more dollars for subsidizing nuclear power, as I've often recommended myself.
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Quentin Hapsburg
Gentlemen! Gentlemen! I know you're all worried, and I agree - there's plenty to be worried about. Like this solar power plant. Already operational outside Los Angeles. Photo-voltaic cells. They convert sunlight directly into electricity. Fluorescent - lasts 10 times as long as a conventional light bulb, uses only a quarter of the power. Super windows - insulate as well as 10 sheets of glass. An electric car - partially powered by solar panels. But the truth is, gentlemen, I'm not worried about any of these things. Because no one's ever going to *know* about them.
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Lt. Frank Drebin
Does he have any identifying marks? A scar, a mole, a tattoo, webbed toes, a third nostril?
Jane Spencer
Well, he has a birthmark in the shape of Whistler's Mother on his right buttock.
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Lt. Frank Drebin
Jane, you're hurting me.
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Jane Spencer
Frank, this is Quentin Hapsburg of Hexagon Oil Company.
Quentin Hapsburg
Pleased to meet you, Mr.?
Lt. Frank Drebin
Drebin. Frank Drebin. I believe I've used some of your rest rooms.
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[as Meinheimer flies out a window behind them]
Banquet Lady
For a man in a wheelchair, he certainly gets around marvellously.
Banquet Woman #1
Oh, I know!
[they look down as he crashes to the ground]
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TV Commercial Announcer
Piloting today's giant oil tankers is a big responsibility. And that's why, here at Hexagon's Captain Training School, future captains go through a rigorous instruction program. And then, through a complicated elimination process, we weed out those less qualified for the day-to-day operation of a half-million ton single hauled supertanker. Only the best will be allowed to take command of what is essentially a floating ecological time bomb.
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Lt. Frank Drebin
Ed, is it just my imagination or is the whole world crazy?
Ed Hocken
No, it's just a small percentage of the population.
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Lt. Frank Drebin
I've learnt something this past week. About the Earth. And about love. I guess love is like the ozone layer. You never miss it until it's gone.
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Blues Singer
[singin' the blues at The Blue Note]
I'm feelin' blue, Just thinkin' of you, I get out of bed, Wish I was dead, And I hope you do, too, So I have given up, I've thrown in the towel, I've taken all the pills, The law will allow, And so I'm feelin' blue...
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Lt. Frank Drebin
I told Jane to meet us at the hotel's rear entrance.
Ed Hocken
Where's that, Frank?
Lt. Frank Drebin
In the back.
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Jane Spencer
[singing in the shower]
Mmm-mmm, Of the way we were, Mem'ries, Light the corners of my mind, Misty water-colored memories Of the way we were...
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Lt. Frank Drebin
They'll probably torture him, then kill him.
Lt. Frank Drebin
They'll probably start by tearing out his toe nails, then move on to nose hairs.
Jane Spencer
Oh, no!
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